He Went Full Circle!

06/04/2010

Ugh the past week has been an absolute hell for me! Sunday morning John woke up and literally out of the blue announces that he no longer wants to be with me and that he's leaving. Well of course at that point I was an emotional wreck, at the same time my mom was visiting a friend of ours who borrowed her cell to phone me. She of course was expecting a hearty "hello" but instead she got me sniffling and bawling telling her that John was packing his stuff to leave. Needless to say both my mom and our friend Mary were over at my house in a flash not only to be there for me but to see what in the world was going on and whether or not there was anything they could do to help. As soon as I realized that this was not something that was just going to blow over I first woke up my step-mom Sandy who was asleep on the living room couch to ask her if she'd watch the kids for me and then called my grandparents to come and pick the children up, if John wanted to run out that was fine but there was no way in hell I was going to let him go anywhere with my children! Well after I woke Sandy up apparently she decided to eavesdrop on what John and I were saying. And I must admit that John was being a complete and total ass, but she decided at that point to come tearing out of the house in a rage and declares openly to all of us that John had on several occasions propositioned her with a one night stand. Now as much as it pains me to admit it, and despite the fact that John vehemently denied the accusations, I know that she was telling the truth because this is not the first time this has happened! In fact the first time it happened, about three months into my relationship with John, he tried to run off with my mom!!!! Who of course turned him down flat and immediately came running to me. I at the time assumed that it had been the act of a confused, desperate and terrified man and decided to forgive him. But then it happened again with a girl I knew named Julie who also turned him down, then with a girl named Tessa who did not turn him down and who he left me for for about two weeks, then a girl named Jamie who turned him down and now with Sandy who supposedly turned him down but whom is not so trustworthy and could very well have accepted the offer hence not telling me about it until it suited her knowing that he would never admit that he'd slept with her or even hit on her to begin with. How many other women there are on that list I may never know and quite frankly I don't want to know! Truth of the matter is I've done nothing but sing John's praises because I didn't want to admit to anyone exactly what kind of a man he is, but unfortunately he's a dog and everyone knows it. So this time when he ran off on me, to go stay where Mary stays with her husband Ray their newborn Alex their roommates Del and Amy, their three boys Jerry, Micheal and Rocky, Del's brother Rick, his girlfriend Amber and Del and Ricks mom Denise even though I desperately wanted to I did not going begging him back. In fact it was three days later when I ran into Mary at the pharmacy and she told me that he'd been bawling his eyes out afraid that I wasn't going to let him see the kids anymore before I finally went to see him. And even then I only went to tell him that he was more than welcome to have supervised visitation with them every weekend or every other weekend as he saw fit but that he would not be taking them anywhere off my property because I did not trust him to bring my children back. It was him that brought up the subject of our relationship when I went over there, asking me back to my surprise since this is the first time he's ever done that. I told him at that point that I wasn't very sure but that if we got the apartment we'd been looking at that I would consider it, regardless I'd let him live with me as a roommate so that he could be there with the kids. After that I brought him over here to see the children, it wasn't until then that I started to soften up Isabel and John were just so happy to see each other, and regardless of how John treats me he is an absolutely amazing father. He was of course also happy to see Talon but Talon is still to young to really understand whats going on or be to attached to anyone right now, where as Isabel is most definitely a daddy's girl. It was even worse when it was time to take John back over to his place because both he and Isabel bawled their eyes out when it was time to say goodbye. After that John agreed that if I wasn't willing to take him back he at least wanted to live under the same roof so as not to be separated from his children because he knows that if he tried to take it to court I would win. So I agreed to that, then informed him that I would need his help with the kids today because I had a lot of running around to do. But when I got home and told my grandparents of my plan to bring John over here to watch the kids they would have nothing of it and canceled all their plans for the day to watch the kids instead. So this morning I went and picked John up as planned then waited until I had him trapped in the car to inform him that instead of going to take care of the kids he'd be riding around with me all day so that we could talk and decide where we wanted this relationship to go. To my surprise John wasn't even the least bit upset about the fact that I had deceived him and immediately began talking about how he still wanted me back. So I asked him his reasoning for running off on me like he did, he said that it was because our relationship had reached a point where we were acting more like roommates than we were a couple, that we didn't talk, didn't go anywhere together we were pretty much living out our separate lives and that it made him very unhappy. At which point I told him that those were indeed legitimate reasons to be unhappy but that when he realized there was a problem he should have come to me and TALKED to me about it instead of just jumping up one day and deciding to run out on his whole family. I then told him that I wasn't trying to be mean but that last time he left me it took me two weeks to stop grieving this time it only took me two days! So if he ever did it again that was it, I would let him go and I would NEVER take him back. He agreed to my terms and so we are now back together! However we are still having to live apart for a while because first my boss called today to inform me that he had no work left for me so I was being "let go" aka fired! Then my grandmother on my fathers side some how found out that I was thinking about getting back with John so she decided not to help me pay for the rest of the deposit on the apartment so now I've lost that as well! At least my family will be whole again one day, I can live with his infidelity after all that only hurts me, but I could not live with the idea of my children having to grow up in a broken home, so I'd rather live with the heartache than to make them live with it! And I know what you're all thinking, children are supposedly more hurt in a dysfunctional family than they are in a broken one but I remember growing up without my parents and I can honestly tell you I'd have rather lived with the dysfunctionality than to go without my family! :: sigh :: Oh well enough moaning and groaning over things I can't control I guess I'm outtie for now! Ciao and Blessed Be!