Updates

Well tomorrow I go to get my court date for my divorce with Todd. This is the deciding moment at which time I find out if they cared that I took somethings out of the original contract! LOL I know it was a risky move but it was the only way I could spend such a small amount of money on the divorce, just do it myself and get rid of the parts that might have posed a problem, mainly the part where it asks if either member of the divorce is in the military. Todd isn't quite yet but he is in the process of signing the paper work and I need this divorce NOW! It's the only way that I can guarantee that we'll be divorced and I can get the justice of the peace hired by November 12th which is when John and I are wanting to have our wedding. November the 12th is our original anniversary and I DESPERATELY want to keep it our anniversary, that day means SO much to me and I NEED to get married THIS year, so it is IMPERATIVE that this divorce goes on without a hitch! (no pun intended LOL) Believe me I have worked hard enough to make this relationship to work I deserve this wedding!!!! Anyway, Isabel is growing SOO fast she's almost completely holding her head up on her own now, she actually balanced on her butt by herself this morning and I have a picture of her holding her bottle up by herself for the first time!!! It's amazing how fast they grow up on you, it seems like only yesterday she couldn't even barely move at all without my help, she was so TINY when I brought her home, and now she's getting SO big! It sucks so bad being a working mom, I feel like I'm missing out on her whole childhood, right now John is waiting to get called in to work so he gets the pleasure of taking care of her, which of course means that he gets to catch every little thing she does! It upsets me sometimes because I'll come home and John will brag about something new or cute that she does, and even though I DEFINITELY want to hear about these things it makes me want to cry because I wasn't there to see it, I didn't get to experience it first hand. If you're not a mother yet, or never will be you just simply cannot understand how much those little looks, gestures and noises can mean to you! I find myself just wanting to hold her in my arms all the hours I'm home because I miss her so badly during the day while I'm at work. Used to be when I was a little girl I would day dream about boys and how they would woo me, now I sit at work and day dream about my little girl and how much I would love to be with her at that moment, what sounds she might make, what things she might like to look at. And also I know this sounds SO stupid but I'm terrified that she'll say Dada first instead of Mama...I don't know why that makes so much difference to me but honestly it really does. I guess its because I got spoiled during my maternity leave being able to spend all day with her. Now I'm scared that she'll forget me, even though people assure me that, thats not possible its still something that worries me! Anyhow, I suppose that's enough blogging for one day. Even though it's something I love to do my butt is starting to fall asleep LOL. Well I'm outtie!

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