Probably no one would read this, or should read this, because really, all im going to do is ramble, i have no one to talk to right now..no one id want to talk to anyways...
This is a diary after all, so im going to feel free to ramble. What to do..what to do...i have no FUCKING clue. hey im rhymed, ka-chow! no idea at all. school, work, go become a vagabond...i still feel so young, my world has a billion possibilities, a million, ka-jillion! the question is what to do...All dad does is pressure me to go to school.but i dont think im ready for it yet..maybe later but not now...i just feel so underdeveloped compared to others my age, theyre all in school..jobs...just doin theyre thang. i cant even drive yet. what a snail ive become. fatty fat sluggy slug snaily snail. i cant just sit here anymore, i need to do something. im just afraid if i work somewhere like say, a super market or something, that that's all i will ever do. all i'll ever be, and i dont want that..theres so much i want to know so much i want to see. i dont feel like myelf anymore, its like i became this potato. this blob of lifeless mass. where did i go...where am i?...its like all my personality has been vaccumed away and has left a shell. a shell that really needs to hit the gym. i just dont know where to start, i dont know wht to do. if i start working, will i ever go back to school? will i ever accomplish anything..my older sister is graduating college soon, shes very talented too. im very proud of her. i have my own talents i am aware of that..but nothing i ever do, ever feels right, or enough. like...im not reaching my potential...theres something wrong and i feel, ive almost lost myself completely. who am i anymore? what happened to the funny, stupid, crazy person i was...why isnt that person ever around anymore...ramble mamble pamble...and when did i become such a coward...ive always been quiet and i dont like to cause a stir but why has that turned into such...whats the word...like i just let everyone trample over me...doormat i suppose. i dont like myself lately..i dont like this person at all. Always afraid, never really saying what i want. im in there somewhere...i know i am,,,i can feel it screaming to get out...i hope it can soon.. |
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