Give me the words that tell me everything;

10/23/2010

I can't sleep again.
I suppose it's the same as some nights are.
I think I know why. Why I might seek validation in the physical.
I guess it's the only way I've ever known how. I don't know how to cultivate emotional intimacy without it.
But I need to find another way to do it.
It finally clicked in my head... I feel this way because I feel so separated from him emotionally. And deep down, it hurts me. I guess I want to feel like he wants to me in a deeper way, and I guess it doesn't really feel like he does. I realize it takes a long time to be close with someone, especially for someone like me. It's so difficult for me to be close with people... I keep everything in my head, and I don't tell anyone anything. I can't expect it to magically happen, but I also don't know how to make it happen. I don't know how to cultivate it.
Why does this seem so easy for other people?
I want to just grab him and kiss him, but it's 1.30 AM and he's sleeping, and I feel that I don't have the right to do it, or the courage (as if this even requires it). I'm too scared to reach out. God, please help me get this right.