My for Ambien finally came in..so Kev took me into East Corinth to get it and my Lisinopril filled, and while we were there, I talked him into getting coffee at Dunkin'. The roads aren't really bad, they're not really good either..so I'm glad that Kevin was driving.
Aaron is in a snit because the hard-drive on his computer went. I don't know what to tell him, maybe if he got a job he could buy himself a new computer (or a new hard-drive, anyway). We are still at an impasse on the job/service thing - he just sits on the couch all day long with that fucking computer (he had another one), and won't even discuss plans for getting a job. Won't even fill out the applications that he has. I'm getting tired of this game.
Anyone have any advice on how to deal with this kid and his shit? 21 - no job, no life, no car...sits on the couch all day with the computer and gives us grief if we even bring up the subject of a job or enlistment..this is coming between Kevin and I..he thinks I'm too hard on the kid, I think he's too lenient. We haven't fought like this about anything since Aaron used to live here before. I do believe it has the power to break us - if we continue to go on this way. Aaron says I no have right to interfere in his life, but don't I? Don't I have a say if he is lazing on MY couch, in MY house, eating MY food and using MY electricity? So what, yeah, he's my kid, I promised to always be here for him, but I did NOT promise that he could do fucking nothing and I would support his lazy little ass! He won't even meet me halfway..gets ugly if I try to talk to him about anything, takes off for his grandparents' houses if he doesn't like what I am saying. I don't know what in the hell to do!!!
No, that's not true, I know what I WANT to do..exactly what my oldest is doing..NOTHING. I want to get in the car and run to the furthest point and then just be there for a few weeks. The only problem with this scenerio is that I would have to be with ME for those weeks, and I don't particularly like my own company. Face it, I'm a drag. My therapist said that he could see this road we are on with Aaron leading me down mental paths that I haven't been on in awhile..in other words, he sees the red flags. I've told my husband this, but he says that we can't kick Aaron out because he has nowhere else to go. I think we can, because if not everything that I have worked for in the past 20 years will stripped away from me little by little. The biggest thing that I am afraid of losing is my sanity.
And my husband does not or does not WANT to understand this. Why should I feel like this in my own house? I did my time, I raised these boys almost alone - Kevin was always at work - I went through the spells of them hating me, hating each other, hating school...I went through the times that they were so out-of-control that I had to have help with them. I've been driven to near suicide, I've been driven to wanting to leave - but I persevered with my kids and myself...I maintained...and do I get NO credit for this? No, because now my husband said that we must have done something wrong for our oldest to be acting like this. Sigh.
I just don't know what to do..with myself, with my son, with my husband....with anything. |
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