And it's not even *real* summer yet! I just don't understand it, a solid week of rain - everything is damp and wet, so chilly that we had to light the woodstove a couple of nights to take the chill off - and now it's hot, buggy, muggy, and UNCOMFORTABLE. Mind you, I'm not complaining, I'm just saying.
In regards to the entry that I wrote last night, about my 17 year old not being home or calling, it was an issue of "miscommunication" - apparently he told his father about it, and Kev told him to write it on his calendar (because he wouldn't remember it). Aaron forgot to write it on the calendar, Aaron thought we knew, and we were left wondering where in the hell he was. His ride dropped him off about 9:30 - I had never been so happy to see him!
I've written entries where I was so pissed at my kids that I couldn't see straight.
I've written entries where I have physically destroyed items of my son's because I couldn't deal with him.
I've written entries where I said that I couldn't wait until Aaron left for college.
I've written entries where Aaron was so pissed off at me that he left home for the summer.
But, we have gotten through it all, and I think that we are making a good head-way towards a sound relationship. I've had to let go of some of the "control" that I always thought that I had to maintain in order to be deemed a *good mother*.
Some of you may not understand this way that I think. If you have Bipolar (or any other mental illness), and you have children that have the same, you WILL understand how I feel and think.
And I'm not saying that as an excuse for the mistakes that I have made. I own them. Bipolar or not.
But, I must have done something right, because Aaron is essentially a good kid. He doesn't drink. He doesn't do drugs. He doesn't stay up late and party (well, he DOES stay up late, but that is because he talks to his friends on Facebook all night). He doesn't go out and not tell us where he is going (last night was an exception, and I don't think that was done maliciously).
So, he is a good boy. He is graduating from High School next weekend. He is going to a good college (the college of his choice) in August. He's smart. He's creative. He's a great kid. And, since I've gotten out of my own way, I have found that I DO love him, and I AM going to miss him.
The fact is, Aaron and I are EXACTLY alike. Right down to getting mad at each other when we are hurt. If I say it's black, and Aaron knows that it's black, he will say that it is white, just to get a rise out of me.
And generally, I fall for it.
I have NEVER found that line between being my kid's friend and being their parent. It's either/or for me, and I see no gray. (Only the black and white).
Okay, Kev just got home. Cameron is going to a dance tonight, and Kev wanted to be the one that took him up.
I guess that Cam also has a *semi* next Friday. I asked him what a *semi* was. Duh, Mom, it's short for *semi-formal*. Okay, gotcha.
So, I guess that I will close this entry out.
But I SO feel like writing and keeping this connection open.
Ta!
&heart;
Aime |
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