no stinken title
I just feel like writing. I don't know why. And I don't really know what I want to say, so, I write.
Ooh! Angie Harmon is on Law & Order. She's a great actress. Best part is in Rizzoli and Isles.
Where was I? Oh yes, I am feeling a tad bit lonely. It seems I'm doing all of this "stuff", and being very productive (for me, anyway), but I am doing it all ALONE! Granted, these are solitary activities, but, why do I have no friends? Nobody to do anything with? Nobody to fight with? Nobody to complain to?
Why do I have to talk to my husband? And why do I talk to my husband? He's become an ogre in the past few weeks. I know, I know, he always gets depressed around this time of year. He has a lot of responsibility at work (where he is manager). He's frustrated with the kids.
But he's taking it all out on me. Not physically, mind you. But emotionally. He is holding things back from me. He is very critical of the things that I am doing > *101 in 1001* *Word Count Journal* *NoJoMo* *NaNoWriMo*
Take the novel that I am working on for instance.....I wanted to read the excerpt that I chose for the NaNo website, and the synopsis. He just grunted when I read it to him, and then he said that I was not normal. He said," Amy, it, it sounds a bit like your life". Well, no shit Dick Tracy - it is a fictionalized memoir!!
"I don't think you should be doing this," he says. "You know that you are going to get all upset and start spiraling down."
Dude! Don't you think that I can make that judgement on my own? Give me a little credit here.
And I have NOT been sleeping. A couple hours here, a couple hours there. Problem is, I have no more Ambien (and have not been able to get to town to get it refilled), and it's been a week now that I am fighting the Insomnia monster. No sleep tends to make Amy a very cranky girl!
My brain is getting boggled. My mind is racing at 100 miles an hour. I have WAY TOO MUCH TIME TO THINK!!!!!
So, hence the voluminous entries on Bloop, OD and Penzu. I've had Penzu for about 3 or 4 days, and I already have 20 entries!!
This is actually a "red flag" - this behavior. But I don't know what to do about it. I take my meds regularly, I see my shrink every month (why exactly is he called a shrink? I'm just as fat when I leave his office as I was when I got there), I see my therapist every other week. Why can't I get my shit together?!
I hate/loathe this time of year. Thanksgiving sucks. Christmas sucks. Blah Humbug!!!!! Pfft.
Aha! List time!
10 REASONS WHY I HATE CHRISTMAS
1. Christmas carols
2. snow
3. bells that jingle all of the time!
4. futzing around with Christmas lights
5. flattened plastic trees
6. trying to remember to send Christmas cards
7. fake santas
8. sticky tape that glues your fingers together
9. drunk santas
10. family get-togethers
Oh my god, what a scrooge I am.
I really ought to get my ass moving and go to town. I need a bunch of stuff. (I want a whole lot more).
MY LIST OF NEEDS
Toilet Paper
Milk
Bread
Cheese
Lunchmeat
Ink for my printer
Med re-fills
Frozen waffles
Dog food
Kitty litter
Cereal
MY LIST OF WANTS
a new book
a bunch of lifewaters
something sweet
some wine
SLEEP!! (oops, you can't buy that at the store)
Sims 3 game
Okay, I think that I might be done rambling.
And then again, maybe not. I feel the drive to write. My chest is tightening, my heart hearts. I'm hot, uncomfortable, ANGRY!!, sad, confused. Oh, fuck me up a tree sideways.
Where are you all my Blooping friends? Have you all gone into hiding?
Shit, I think that maybe writing my novel is starting to get to me. No matter though, because I NEED to finish this project. It's just something that I HAVE to do. For me.
Oh yes!! I wrote my essay for Interpersonal Communications. All that is left to do is to edit it, set up the format the right way, print it out, and then send it to the school.
Okay, are your eyes tired from reading yet? I'll give you a break.
♥
AIME
Love Bipolar Inc | Image: Photobucket.com
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