it sucks always being the footnote in someone else's love story. | 02/06/2012 |
It's amazing how someone can mean so much to you, and you mean absolutely nothing to them. How simply having them in your life makes your life easier, better, happier, yet you have no effect on their life. If you're there, they don't notice. If you're not there, they don't notice. You kid yourself into thinking that you matter to them too. That you not being in their life would upset them. That they'd miss you. That they'd want to fight to keep you in their life. But that's what it was. That's all it ever was. You kidding yourself. You wanting to believe that you were important. Waking up to the realization that you mean nothing, that you always meant nothing, is heartbreaking. It's like waking up from a nightmare only to find yourself lost in something far worse than a nightmare. You wake up and find yourself at the center of a joke where you're the punchline and everyone's laughing AT you. That's not even the worse part though. The worse part is that you're now alone or at least you feel alone. I deluded myself into thinking that there was room for me in their life. That there was room for them to care about someone who was imperfect and crazy. This is one of those times where ignorance would've been bliss. I would've loved to stay convinced that I matter and that they thought I was worth caring about. I sometimes think it would've been better to live in denial or at least not know the truth, but probably not. I just wish it wouldn't've taken me so long to discover the truth. I wish I didn't spend so long being hopeful. I wish I never would've cared in the first place.
Shannon
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