you don't need maps when you know where the sidewalk cracks. | 07/23/2010 |
Currently: [Tick Tock:] 257am
[Ends In Y:] Friday
[Munching:] Nothing
[Slurping:] Nothing
[Not Naked:] Green Shirts Are For Pimps shirt & black leggings
[Air Pollution:] E for Explosion: Echoes
[Chit-Chatting:] No one
Scream Me A Love Song. I keep waiting for that moment. The moment when I'll know that it's time to quit. Let go. The moment when I'll know, without a doubt, that he's not worth it. Unfortunately, that moment never comes. Instead I have moments that make me believe all hope is not lost. That there's potential. That it is everything. I want nothing more then someone/something to tell me that this isn't worth it. That he's not worth it. That regardless of how he can make me feel, he's just a waste of time. I want someone to scream that at me. I hate this middle ground we always seem to be on. I just want us to begin or end.
I'm so tired of being alone. I'm so tired of continuing in this world without someone to share it with. I'm tired of feeling complete when I'm with him. I'm tired of feeling like he's my everything, when obviously, he's my nothing. I hate that he can make me cry. I hate that he makes my heart happy and sad. I hate the fact that he walked into my life. I hate the fact that "loving" him makes so much sense to me.
I wish I was dreaming. I wish I'd wake up and realize all these things I feel were just a dream. That none of this was real. I wish I could wake up and erase it all. Delete it. Make it seem like it never existed. I wish I could erase the looks, the smiles, the touches. I wish I could just take my heart and rip my feelings out.
This is just stupid.
Shannon
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