It's been a very busy weekend, perhaps because I've been trying to avoid Richey. It was a right grin at times - I got ridiculously drunk at a 21st, I got a tattoo, I went to the cinema, I went to lunch, I went to see some live music, I went to another birthday and didn't get home til 5am...
But inbetween the laughter, the sadness lingers. A friend of a friend has a little crush on me, apparently, and I was being pressured to act on it. I can't - my heart isn't ready to let go of him, even though my mind was telling me it was logical. This lad doesn't drink or smoke or gamble or do drugs or anything... and he'd treat me right, and I might really end up liking him back... but I can't. I stood outside, clutching my phone, highlighting Richey's name, thumb hovering. And I can't - a lump in my throat, no words to even text - I was dragged back inside and fed more alcohol - but I don't want to self-medicate, I'll end up like him...
When I came home at 5am, he was awake - I don't know that he does sleep anymore, unless it's sex or alcohol induced - drunk, but so was I, so I could hardly criticise. What did I say to spark it? "I promised myself I wouldn't get attached, but it's too late."
A strange outburst of emotion - the first emotion I've seen in him for weeks, months even. "I've seen you grow as a person over the last few years, and you've turned into the person I'd love to be. I think you're destined for great things. I loved you back then, but I love the person you've become even more."
And I cried, the shock of him saying something nice for once, and not just pushing me aside like a disposable play-thing. And I hated myself, because I half thought he was just saying it to make me sleep with him again, my heart raced at the possibility. But I couldn't stop crying, and he pulled me into a hug, rocking me and kissing my cheek.
Today, he has been withdrawn once more - I assume the alcohol lowered his inhibitions. Perhaps he doesn't feel he can be truthful with me easily, with anyone even. I wish I could help him, but I'm not sure I can. I'll try. He needs someone to try.
I'm tired. I'm going back to work tomorrow. Joy.
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Sounds like a great weekend! Despite getting really drunk lol. Oh well, sometimes we all need to let loose huh? That's cool that someone has a crush on you, maybe you can begin to let something happen. If he truly cares he will wait. 
