I'm eating chocolate buttons, and they're practically orgasmic.
Closest I'm getting to sex at the moment! Mmm.
Things aren't as terrible as they have been - I've been hanging around Edinburgh at the fringe fest, seen some brilliant shows with my VIP pass - and made friends with a stand-up comedian, which is lovely.
Tomorrow, I'm headed to the Leeds festival with some friends from Newcastle - I'm a little anxious because I had a big fall out with one of the guys - he wants to be with me, and I... like him a lot, but then we got drunk, and all my emotional shit came flooding out and I cussed him out and ran away, and he called and called and called.... and we've talked since then, maturely and soberly. And I decided I'd still go to Leeds, because it makes sense. He said that he's happy to go back to being friends, because he likes hanging out with me, and thinks we'll have a great time and that... the email was very long, twice, and... I believe him. I like hanging out with him, too. After I'd ran off I cried and cried... because I couldn't believe I might never see him again.
I know waiting for Rich is futile - but the amount of guilt I feel just means I'm not ready to get into a relationship just now. Phil gets that - he does. It's just going to be weird seeing him again, but after the initial awkwardness I'm sure we'll fall back into place.
I've also decided that I'm going to go back to school next year to study journalism. It's time to sort my fucking life out!
Rich is doing ok, by the way - he's started meds, so he's a bit... all over the place, to be expected for the first little while. He's in regular counselling and has home visits and all that. His parents said it might be good for me to look for another roommate, but... again, the guilt. I know, it's the right thing to do, but... fuck.
Anyway, I best finish packing for Leeds. Hope everyone is well x |
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