I've said far too often that music saved my life, and there are a lot of songs in particular that always speak to me, and leave me a little breathless.
In Alan Bennet's 'The History Boys' they talk about a certain feeling with regards to literature and poetry, and I think it can be aptly applied to lyrics as well (aren't they just a form of poetry?)
The best moments in reading are when you come across something – a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things – that you’d thought special, particular to you. And here it is, set down by someone else, a person you’ve never met, maybe even someone long dead. And it’s as if a hand has come out, and taken yours.
In particular, I have felt this with lyrics by Manic Street Preachers, 'Born A Girl.' IN an interview, they were asked if this song was about how it was difficult to be a man in the modern world, and with all sincerity they said of their lyricist, 'no, it's literal, he wants to be a girl.' I remember hearing it at around fourteen, and... it made everything clear. Perhaps they're not even particularly poetic lyrics, but that wasn't the question.
Do I look good for you tonight
Will you accuse me as I hide
Behind these layers of disguise
And the mirrors of my own happiness
I've loved the freedom of being inside
Need a new start and a different time
Something grows in the space between me
And it's twisting and changing this fragile body
And I wish I had been born a girl
Instead of what I am
Yes I wish I had been born a girl
And not this mess of a man
And not this mess of a man
And not this mess of a man
The censorship of my skin
Is screaming inside and from within
There's no room in this world for a girl like me
No place around there where I fit in
And I wish I had been born a girl
Instead of what I am
Yes I wish I had been born a girl
And not this mess of a man
And not this mess of a man
And not this mess of a man
And not this mess of a man
And not this mess of a man
Another artist who has always spoke to me is Morrissey, or rather The Smiths. My dad actually recommended them to me when I was a teen, and I remember thanking him. There are two songs by the smiths that leave me speechless, and instead of choosing, I'm going to share both of them with you. The first is That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore, which once had the power to reduce me to tears.
Park the car at the side of the road,
you should know, time's tide will smother you, and I will too.
When you laugh about people,
who feel so very lonely,
their only desire is to die,
well I'm afraid it doesn't make me smile,
I wish I could laugh,
but that joke isn't funny anymore,
it's too close to home, and it's too near the bone,
it's too close to home, and it's too near the bone,
more than you'll ever know.
Kick 'em when they fall down, kick 'em when they fall down
Kick 'em when they fall down, kick 'em when they fall down
Kick 'em when they fall down, kick 'em when they fall down
Kick 'em when they fall down, kick 'em when they fall down
It was dark as I drove the point home,
and on cold leather seats, well it suddenly struck me,
I just might die with a smile on my face after all.
I've seen this happen in other people's lives, and now it's happening in mine
(repeat about x20 to fade)
The second is Asleep, which even today I can't listen all through the fade - it's too painful.
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I'm tired and I
I want to go to bed
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
And then leave me alone
Don't try to wake me in the morning
'Cause I will be gone
Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I will feel so glad to go
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore
Sing to me
Sing to me
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore
Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I really want to go
There is another world
There is a better world
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well ...
Nooooo. Slightly triggering songs (well, not that particular Manic Street Preachers song but another one of theirs), that's all. The "aaagh" was me trying to tear myself from negative thoughts, and also giving up on writing a more meaningful comment, lol. Does this make sense? I don't know. I feel uncomfortable. *runs*
....But, what you said about that Manic Street Preachers song.... was touching and beautiful, somehow. I think the "trigger" part came from the fact that I recognised the same clarity in their other song, fuck what is it goddamn called. I've all but memorised the lyrics but damned if I can remember the name of it... four stone... seven pounds or whatever.
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