There comes a time in everyone's life where they have to stop, take a step back, and realize the world is not out to get them. Your boss doesn't have a vendetta against you. The cops didn't pull you over because they were bored. Your 3rd grade teacher didn't hate you... No. I had this realization not long ago, and it finally hit me- Maybe, just maybe, these people acted the way they did toward me because I really am an asshole?
Admitting that can be a tough pill to swallow, but once you accept it, it comes much easier. People learn not to expect things from you because they will only be disappointed in the end. It has it's positive and negative qualities, I suppose. But it is unfair to only look at this title in the comical sense. I am, in fact, an asshole. My friend Matt explained it best one day when he actually broke it down for me. He said:
"You're an asshole. I mean... You are a hole, surrounded by a massive amount of ass."
Again, I refer to the comical side. But I have done some things in my life {more in the past year or two} that has earned me this title and then some. Things that I am not proud of. I have hurt people that did not deserve it, as well as some that did. I cant write about these things here because nothing I write is safe anymore. Everything is spied on by one person or another, and nothing is sacred to only me. This is discouraging, as writing is my only means of expression, and without it, I break down.
I don't care if you read this or not, random viewer. I don't care if you ever come back. This is for my sanity, not yours. But if our paths do cross again, I humbly welcome you to my world. I am not new to this site, so there is no need to welcome me. I just need a separate place for semi-private thoughts. Thank you for your cooperation. |
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