trying to sleep with a broken heart

well i dunno how long this entry will be cause its already 4 am and i gotta get up in like 6 hrs to do some laundry cause i got no work clothes. err how i hate laundry...anyways. a small update...
the boyfriend: no long is the boyfriend. i broke up with him yesterday. i finally told him half of the truth. told him that i just wasnt in love with him. told him i loved him but wasnt in love. and he said he didnt understand and then proceed to tell me that im the one he wants to be with for the rest of his life. see im not ready for that yet. im 21 yrs old i dont really wanna be tied down and settle down. im too young for that shit. i wanna experience other ppl. how do u know if your suppose to be with this one person if you havent tried other people yet??? i couldnt tell him the real reason why i couldnt be with him, i couldnt tell him that i was in love with someone else. if i did that he would have asked who it was and then he would find out that it was one of his friends and thinks would be so complicated and screwed up and the whole truth would be out and a lot of people would get hurt and not to mention i would lose some ppl in my life. not that i dont mind or anything but still.....

other guy: so me and this other guy are ok i guess nothing new there. just wish he could see how much i care for him and stop making me feel like im being used. all we ever talk about is his ex and how much he wants to be with her. i could tell him that truth about how that girl doesnt want to be with him. i told him i would be there for him no matter what happens with this girl and him. its just killing me keeping this secret from him. i hate lying to him and i hate getting his hopes up about getting back with her. i just wanna tell him so bad that why the healing process could start already. but i cant i made a promise and i will stick to it. it just sucks.
what im also gonna start doing is stop talking to some of my friends about him. it just seems like they dont care what im going threw. so why bother telling them plus i cant risk of them telling someone that might know him and then things would end between us...i dont want that.

other news: this is kinda sad for me. but i know im doing the right thing. my best friend called me today saying that she cant stay with her dad no longer cause hes being an ass. long story short with that she left his house and i told her i would talk to my parents about her staying with me for a while. i dont mind the company dont get me wrong on that. but what it means is that i wouldnt be able to see this other guy for a while. and i cant stand that. i was getting so used to seeing him every night after work and hanging out with him and shit. but now that she will be staying with me he wont be coming over. cause she doesnt know what is going on between me and him and she cant know because her sister is the girl that this guy is in love with and has a kid with. and me and him both know that if my best friend knows about me and him she would run and tell her sister cause is has happen in the past. all my friends are connected one wasy or another with eachother and its very complicated. maybe one day i will post an entry and try to explain it all but not tonight cause im way to tired for that.

i just dont know what to do any more. i hate the fact of being single again but i know it was wrong of me to keep my b.f for the fact that im not in love with him. i was just liking the fact that i had someone to keep me comfort and having someone say i love you to me. i dunno my head and heart are both confused and if i dont figure it out soon i know something bad will happen.

alrighty well im going to bed now. try to sleep some of this crap off...tomorrow will be a new day.....