i was relieved to not call that place home anymore.
that concert was beautiful. that gorgeous boy made the most beautiful songs that were like my heart scribbled on paper and put into sound waves. i loved it. just as much as i loved it in san diego. and those are the moments that it doesn't matter if i'm in nashville or atlanta or southern california. but i miss that place. so much. and i really think that's where i belong. i wish i could move belmont there. b/c i do want to teach there someday. but there's something about the ocean and the mountains that goes deep.. something that's hard to leave behind. i booked my flight for the summer. i can't stay away from the pacific salt water that forms a second skin on my body.. the sand that never really washes away.. the people that are so much more in tune to the "no worries" aspect of life.. the population that loves the sun.. the people that love the things of life that i constantly need to be reminded of...
i miss it.
i miss them.
i never thought i'd say that.
last time i wasn't ready.
but this time.. this time i'm ready to make it work.
((even if your voice comes back again, maybe there'll be no one listening..))
spinning.
sometimes i feel trapped here. sometimes i feel free. i've hurt some amazing people. and i hate that. but i need to be alone somtimes. and the sometimes has turned into almost all the time. that's why i <3 my metal friends. they always give me immense amounts of space. i love that.
i have so much to do over the summer. i have so much i want to accomplish. i need to visit grad schools and read books on philosophy & study for the GRE & work on my writing sample. and for some reason i'm looking forward to it. i'm looking forward to it all.
((you haven't come this far to fall off the earth))
i miss it i miss it i miss it. i gaze upon these pictures of the california beaches. i want it back. i miss my husky. and i miss being with my best friend in the entire world. i miss swimming in the ocean. i even miss the boring days--the days when i had nothign to do but play world of warcraft. i didn't mind the allergies and the fires and the earthquakes. i had great roommates. i didn't take advantage of it all b/c i was so focused on the sorority and the school that i left. and i needed to come back. but now i'll be ready to leave when i graduate. and UCLA doesn't sound too bad. or SFSU or SDSU... i'm open to it.
((you gotta swim, swim in the dark... you feel the tide shifting, wait for the spark))
i'm restless on these nights. i want something more.
more wisdom.
more answers.
more freedom.
more ocean.
more music.
more adventures.
more explorations.
more melted rainbows.
more purpose.
more metaphysics.
and at the same time, this is the best feeling in the entire world. and i couldn't trade it for anything. i couldn't trade it for poetry or music or anything else. there is nothing like life & restlessness & wonder & philosophy. there is nothing like life.
<3
((big hearts are for breaking..))
let's go back to impatiens drive.. the pool with the palm trees and the ocean and the laid back people and the miles of beaches and the close escape of mexico and wide open freeways and the wide open spaces and the way it makes you so wide open as a person.. the way the ocean does something to you.. the way it shows you zero & infinity allatonce.. the way the sun sinks into your bones and you feel like everything is abnormally the way it's supposed to be..
let's go back,
but this time
with purpose & experience & a real sense of the word adventure
i always do everything i tell myself i will
& now, i'm telling myself,
i will do this.
14 updated faves
((it was last night, at an empty warehouse party...))
let's make this summer phenomenal.
i will fly to the west coast
& i will contemplate beauty & ethics & truth & justice
& i will listen to jack's mannequin & her space holiday
& i will write in this journal
& i will be myself & nothing else.
((...what gets you off))
|
Loading...