a warm august night surrounded a house in east nashville;
dew covering the grass and reflecting moonlight
onto anything willing to s l o w d o w n
and experience it.
i knocked on the door, hands full of
chocolate wine
iced vanilla coffees
& adventure
((the bubbling of the blue hookah in the background))
six friends in middle-america,
standing on the edge of summer,
breathing in moment after moment,
one by one.
moments so beautiful
that they cannot be faded or forgotten.
conversations.questions.music.hookah.
& happiness creeping into our minds,
filling our veins,
infiltrating our very beings
by some incomprehensible process of osmosis.
there were moments together & moments alone.
& they were all part of one another.
i sat in the dewy grass in my green and white cotton dress:
i watched the lights in the house across the street go
on&off
&on&off.
people living their finite lives in the inevitable face on infinity.
i watched the stars in the sky
& felt, really felt,
the indescribable wind on my skin.
how small we are in this vastness
& yet & yet... we've found a way out.
the six of us, we've found a way out:
value-- happiness. love. friendship. trust.
& in that moment so many things occurred to me
we are all parts, both fragmented and unfragmented.
& yet, we also are all wholes. and parts/wholes/parts/wholes
extends and extends and reaches beyond us and to everything.
everything is a part, and yet also a whole.
it's so obvious
& yet so easy to miss.
there were moments when we opened up
spilled secrets
also so obvious
& yet so easy to miss
moments when i realized how incredibly fucked up the last year has been.
moments when i realized that, on some level, it doesn't fucking matter.
because right now i am here.
i am sitting in the dewy grass on an august night
in a green and white cotten dress.
because bugs are biting me and taking away parts of me.
and tonight i am okay with that.
because i am spending these moments
with six real, sincere, good people.
because the world's less scary with your friends.
because i'm not alone, even when i am alone.
and neither are you.
& because, right now, nothing is fucked up.
i am happy.
& so are you.
-back inside-
the carpet, gentle underneath my feet;
a sharp contrast to pavement.
the delicate egyptian cotton blanket,
complimenting the furry one.
smooth suede couches.
the feeling of water.
warm & cold & hot.
on your skin. sliding down your throat & through your body.
the feeling of your clothes.
the feeling of a backrub
& the feeling of moving
& of feeling itself.
& it was enough.
why can't it always be enough?
tonight it is enough.
the music was beautiful and we all danced at random moments.
the weather was beautiful and we smoked hookah on the deck at random moments
the moments were beautiful and we took pictures at random moments
((moments that seemed infinite & all too finite.. allatonce))
i laid on the couch and watched even more moments.
& the song "white houses" pressed on my mind,
begging to be played.
the girls sat in the bedroom,
quiet around the song.
& it was beautiful.
& it was enough.
and the night went on&on&on
& i could have sworn we were infinite.
we were so many things that night,
but most of all,
we were happy.
i drove off as the sun climbed the horizon,
finally understanding the song that played from my speakers:
Tell me now can you feel it?
I've been keeping company with ghosts
She comes to me like a piece of summer
She comes to me on the days when I need it most
Well summer dies and nothing lasts forever
And you're so fine, the way you stand up to your fears
The summer dies and its just moments we have together
I'd give my bones for you to get a few more years
For you and I, oh Annie
More to life than trying to survive, oh Annie
My boyfriend took pictures of me as I held you
I travel alone and the loneliness brings me to tears
The summer dies and it's just moments we have together
I'd give my bones for you to get a few more years
For you and I, oh Annie
More to life than trying to survive, oh Annie
Stronger than the hands that hold you
You sing along to the song on the radio
If I drank too much when I am reckless
Just this once would you forgive this
And hold on, the days gone by
Tell me now can you feel it?
I can't keep this all to myself
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