& i'm always wondering if i have enough to fill up a page
but tonight i'm feeling every fragment
of every emotion that apathy once overwhelmed.
i can feel the lonely melody that played in my living room
as i danced in bare feet, & as you watched through my dirty window pane.
i can feel the silence as i walked down your street
in the middle of the night, in the middle of the city...
as the broken glass from beer bottles dug into my bare feet.
i can feel what it was like to not care that it hurt & to not care
that walking drunk & alone in this sleeping city is dangerous.
i can feel the beating of the drums... the passion and that
unexplainable feeling that comes with cymbals crashing.
i can feel it
as my mind slammed into this year and all the changes.
i can feel the passion and the recklessness that has seeped into my life
as my speedometer hits 110mph
(& it's just another day)
as i stare my fears in the face and tease them with my eyes.
i can feel it sticking to my skin as i fall dangerously in love with you:
all things in moderation.
i cannot have you in moderation.
i cannot get enough.
this is reckless. i am reckless with my own heart.
i can feel the empty... feeling as if the life somehow seeped out of you
by some fucked up process of osmosis.
the feeling of gray topped off by the 108 degree afternoons
sunshine that can kill.
(those jagged beams always seem to pierce my mind & lighten my hair)
i can feel the slipping of my religion and my beliefs
spilling out onto the sidewalk...
& all that remains is a muddy puddle
that washed away chalked secrets from the summer.
i can feel lonley
& the reckless
& the empty
& the passion
& the loss.
i can feel every molecule of what is.
it's all too much for me sometimes
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