Backdated to reflect original date of publish..ing..ment..ness.
It always makes me smile when I think about how sexually compatible Luke and I are because we are both equally as fucked up as each other. I don't know anybody else who needs or wants to have sex as often as I do. And the weirdest shit gets us going, too.
Luke has been pissed off at me since reading my "Skinny Masochist" entry because he didn't realise how quickly I was slipping back into my ED after he has spent literally thousands of dollars on my treatment. He says he doesn't care about the money "...much", but it's more the time and effort that we both put into my treatment, and that I had been lying to him about not eating (well, he didn't ask...) and most of all, that he's just scared for my health and doesn't want me to, well, you know, die, and stuff. I don't think he knows how to react at the moment and is just taking time to think up another battle plan to get me to eat again. I'm glad he's not just straight out leaving me over it, but I kind of want him to just leave it alone... But, whatever, he's laying low at the moment in regards to the issue so I am too. Not really hiding things from him anymore though. So refreshing to not have to do sneak around, but also is a new kind of uncomfortable to just visibly not eat in front of him. It makes him sad, and I hate seeing that.
Today I was doing my usual routine of spending a good fifteen minutes or so of staring at the contents of the fridge and pantry before settling on a glass of water and some vitamin supplements. Luke was sitting on the arm of our couch watching me while on the phone to one of his clients (no, not my type of client, heh... the owner of some house he's building, I suppose). I couldn't quite drag myself away from the kitchen to give him his hello-you're-back-from-work-how-was-your-day-I-missed-you greeting so I gave him some half-assed attention by asking if he wanted a tea or coffee. He shook his head no and continued to watch me silently while I gave serious consideration to some cheese and pickles. I almost jumped out of my skin when he finally said something, so lost in my own little daydream, I was.
"You are so fucking frustrating."
"Oh. Sorry. ...Cheese, crackers and wine?"
"You want some?"
"No, but do you?"
"Only if you'll sit down and eat it with me."
"...You mean, join you, or what?"
"I mean EAT it. Fuck! You're nuts!"
"I know, but you liiiiiiike it."
"I don't like it."
"You like my nuts."
"Eat some nuts."
"You eat mine."
"Stop it!! Cheeky cunt!"
"...Hehe."
"I might give 'em a nibble..."
"Mmm..." So I go and sit on his lap and play with his hair.
"Seriously though. This is... hard to watch."
"So close your eyes."
"No. Stop. It pisses me off how you just - ... I don't know. It pisses me right off."
"I kinda like it when you're angry at me."
"I see you do shit like open and close the fridge door and I want to just slam your face into the wall."
"Fuck, that's hot."
"...Yeah. It's not meant to be. Get off me."
So I get off him, sulk, which turns him on, and then he anger-fucks the hell out of me, and I love it, it's awesome. The end.
...I like writing down little snippets of conversation we have. Especially when I go back to it like 24 hours later and totally don't remember having said this or that. I want to rememberrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
My nose is so dribbly. I have a cold.
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