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an empty frame.'s Diary
by an empty frame.

previous entry: Wake up!

next entry: ramble before drug induced sleep

Big favour

02/20/2011

Ok, so Luke got asked a huge favour on Saturday while out at lunch with a couple of friends, when he came home he came and asked my opinion on it, I voted against it in a wishy-washy kind of way (I didn't tell him not to do it, I said if it were me they were asking I'd have a hard time agreeing to their terms) but by this morning (Sunday) he's decided he will do it, or rather he has no reason not to do it so he may as well do it. Now I'm like, OMG NO how can he just make a huge decision like that without really thinking it through? Or maybe he has, and it's really not a big deal to him as it is to me... He said he won't do it if I don't want him to, because really it's a "couple" decision in his words, but I don't know omg!!!

The "favour"? I guess it's not really a favour as such, just asking for his help... Well, basically a lesbian couple in his broader circle of friends (he doesn't really hang out with them but they are more friends of friends and they know each other by name) have asked for his sperm so they can have a baby. They don't want him to play a father role but are willing to negotiate that. Personally, if I was THEM, I wouldn't want a third person outside of the relationship to share a parenting role because that shit is COMPLICATED, after seeing what Giovanni went through with Gabriel's mother ... And in any case, Luke pretty much doesn't want anything to do with it other than the sperm donation (until the child is old enough to ask who his or her father is in which case he reckons he'll be happy to be contacted), which in theory I support but how can you not WONDER how the pregnancy is going, how the baby is going, how the child is going as time goes on, especially if you know the parents and stuff. So I think he needs to think about it a lot HARDER than just one night.

In support of him doing it... Luke does have solid genes, I mean god he has a million brothers and sisters (ok, seven) and his neices and nephews are all healthy, Luke is active and physically healthy, has a good diet and such so he is an ideal sperm donor lol. And knowing what having Gabriel as a step-son has done for me, in terms of happiness and pride and sense of worth and such and such, I wouldn't want to deprive any parents of that, so if these women want to be parents then they should be.

I told Luke he should ask them what steps they've taken so far as far as preparation to be parents goes, and how financially stable they are and stuff. He says it's not his place to judge what kind of parents they'd be. I say it is. Also what happens if they decide they don't want to beparents afterall and try to dump the kid on Luke? LIKE GABRIEL'S MUM? AAAAGH It's just toooo I dunno I guess they would discuss all of that I mean this was only a first-stages conversation thing but Luke really doesn't want to know too much about any of it other than the fact that he won't have any parenting responsibility until the child is old enough and mature enough to seek him out if he or she wishes to do so.

I DON'T KNOW. IT DOESN'T SEEM VERY REALISTIC. I DON'T KNOW WHIFOHSDOGSGDF. Can't they just go to a sperm bank?! Of course they'd have issues with the fact they're a lesbian couple I think at the moment they only offer IVF to infertile hetero couples (ie. not single women or lesbian couples) but I don't know what may have changed since a few years ago when I last read about laws concerning that stuff. Jeeeeeeeez.

I'm not comfortable with it. If Luke is, fair enough, but I need a lot more time, I think, before I can agree to letting him do it. It's just pretty hardcore. :-s

...LOL Gabriel is making me wear a clown nose while typing this. Just so you know, I'm writing this very serious entry while looking absolutely ridiculous!!! He just went and did a wee in the toilet and put his jocks on again ALL BY HIMSELF! They're inside out and he forgot to flush the toilet and washi his hands, but he did it!!! WELL DONE GABE!!!

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It really is a tough decision, although it's up to him. If you're worried about them dumping the kid onto Luke, and you have even the littlest amount of faith that they won't be abusive parents, why not draw up a contract that states that Luke has no legal interest in the child? I mean, in the event that they are CRAP parents, that'd be a TERRIBLE idea, but...yeah.

Also, GO GABE! Hooray for little boys leaving diapers behind!

[polywogStar|0 likes] [|reply]

i couldn't rush into something like that either without having a million questions i'd want to ask.

[& skull.Star|0 likes] [|reply]

There was a girl on here that I used to read and she and her wife had a sperm donor help them get pregnant with two children. It's too bad she isn't on here any more cause she would be a good person to talk to to ask questions. I definitely think a little more time should be given to think it through. I think it would be a wonderful thing to provide the opportunity to a loving couple but it's still your own genes. I think he'd be more involved emotionally than he's anticipating.

[BeautifulBrownEyesStar|0 likes] [|reply]

Me too. But perhaps I'm overestimating his ability to... give a shit? He says he has no attachment to his sperm and if someone wants to use it to start a family then yyyyyyeah hohum. He wont do it if i dont want him to. Which is odd, because i dont have a reason for HIM not to do it, just reasons why I wouldn'5 do it.

[an empty frame.|0 likes] [|reply]

Pagan tag
My supervisor at work and her partner accessed IVF as a same sex couple but laws could be different in different states. And my hubbys cousin and her partner are expecting in March - from a donor I believe.
And I think you asking what kind of parents they would be is an entirely responsible thing to do. Maybe Luke is caught up in the moment - would be pretty flattering after all.

[~*Pagan*~Star|0 likes] [|reply]

It's up to him and everything.. but I'm pretty sure they need to get a contract in place so that they can't come after him for any sort of child support or anything like that. That is what I would be most afraid of..

[theregoesmyheart|0 likes] [|reply]

Ah yes, I knew there was another reason for there to be a contract I just couldn't think of what it was! I'm doing a good job of talking him out of it. I feel bad for the couple but it's not the right time for us to be doing crazy shit like that. Hopefully they can find someone else...

[an empty frame.|0 likes] [|reply]

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