I feel really silly writing this entry. But anyway. So, I guess I'm "recovered". Well, anybody that knows anything about "recovery" knows that you're never really "recovered", you're always in "recovery", but I think I'm about as close to "recovered" as I've ever been and possibly will ever get... How do I feel about that? SHIT. FAT. DISGUSTING. FAILURE. And stuff. There's never any food in the house anymore, well maybe it was always like this but I never noticed because I never went looking for food. But like, when Luke's not home and I want to eat something, I just don't know what to do. I really can't cook very well so I don't like to cook much. I don't know. It all just makes me want to cry, lol... I just don't know what to doooo. Luke always manages to make some kind of meal out of nothing and I'm like, ok that's awesome now I don't have to think so hard about what to eat, but when he's not here and I have to make dinner for myself I'm just like WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKK. Last night I had cereal for dinner, that was ok, but then today all I've eaten is cereal without milk, like, just dry, and... blah. I hate food. I hate the way I look. I have all new clothes because I don't fit into my old clothes anymore. That feels sooo shit. And Luke and I got in a big fight ages ago because he started to throw away my old clothes without telling me. But he's just put them in boxes and they're in the garage now. But I swear if anything happens to them I'll kill him. And my new case worker is shit, I want my old one back. The only reason why I've got this far is because of her and now she's gone and fucking left me and this new one is an incompetent old fuck. |
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