Sorry bloop I don't mean to neglect you by writing in my OD instead it's just that the people on OD note me more often and more promptly lol and I'm an attention whore!! So here are the entries that I wrote and forgot to post over here as well (because I usually write them on my iPod which makes it impossible to copy and paste kinda thang)
Bullshit! 19/07/2010
Luke says I'm a failure of a gay man because I've not even seen the second half of the first season of Queer As Folk let alone the whole series... I just started watching the second season and I'm like "who in the what now huh?"
I say he's a failure of a gay man for failing to at least brush his hair once a day! HA BEAT THAT ASSHOLE.
An open window lets the rain in (how many times have I used that as an entry title over the years? Seriously lol) 20/07/2010
Luke needs a break so he's staying with Sarah for a few nights. Says he's freakingthefuckout and needs to get his head around everything and he swears this isn't a break from our relationship, he just wants some space to think.
We have a house inspection tomorrow which we had previously agreed would be mostly my responsibility just because I didn't want him looking over my shoulder while I cleaned because it makes me paranoid and he has a physically demanding job and I... don't, lol. Anyway the point is, he's gone for the night so I'm kinda cleaning up the house and my head is in the clouds and I'm sort of hating myself big time for putting this much stress on him but he reassured me over and over that this isn't anything to feel bad about he just needs air. I don't really ... know, I guess I trust that he's being sincere with this and when he returns he will feel a little more clear headed and able to deal with more of my shit.
I am the worlds most impossible boyfriend and an absolute nightmare to live with, I've known this for a while, so I'm not shocked or hurt, even. It's just occured to me how much I rely on him for a sense of stability and safety and sanity. He's gone so it's like, oh, fuck, I'm here left to my own devices, here's hoping I don't go and spazz out and cover the house in paint or blood or mud or .... lol I"m thinking too seriously about that now. Ever just want to make a big fucking mess? Like aaaaaaaall the time. Well, I do anyway, but it's not usually deliberate.
I am considering a carrot.
Charlie, I'd love to hear your life story. I meant Charlie Jnr. because I think I already know a fair bit of your life story, Charlie Snr., but feel free to indulge us anyway, I'll be needing some mental masturbation tonight otherwise I'll go seeking entertainment of other kinds and I need to clean, you know, yeah? Yeah.
....I fucking hate little preteen little pieces of shit right outside my front door... teasing this little kid I'm gonna go give him a word lol. Good thing I look like a skinhead at the mo!
Shut up! You're ruining his focus! 21/07/2010
Yeah, I just quoted Monsters Inc., I'm so cool. NOW! DOT POINTS TO MAXIMISE THE QUICKNESS IN THIS WRITING PROCESS...NESS.
1. GIOVANNI AND I ARE MOPPING ALL THE TILED FLOORS
2. DESPITE HAVING THREE MOPS, THEY ALL SUCK. AND I AM OBSESSED WITH CLEAN FLOORS SO OF COURSE I HAD TO SCRUB THEM.
3. GIOVANNI IS ABOUT TO GO SKATING OVER THE KITCHEN TILES IN HIS SOCKS TO CHECK THAT THERE IS NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO STICKINESS LEFT. MILO IS SO STICKY AND I *ALWAYS* FRUCKING DROP IT EVERYWHERE. LIKE, BEFORE IT'S EVEN HIT THE MILK OR THE CUP. EVEN WHEN I'M STANDING OVER THE BENCH... OK SO ANYWAY.
4. I AM THE BIGGEST CLUTZ KNOWN TO MAN. GABRIEL IS SPENDING THE NIGHT HERE (DUH COS IF GIOVANNI AND I ARE BOTH HERE HE CANT STAY AT HIS DAD'S HOUSE BY HIMSELF... JEEZ WASN'T THAT OBVIOUS? DO I HAVE TO SPELL *EVERYTHING* OUT TO YOU?
5. CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GOING THROUGH AND MAKING SURE I HAVE ALL THE APOSTROPHES IN THE RIGHT PLACE.
6. BACK TO BEING A CLUTZ... OK SO YEAH... WE ARE TRYING TO BE REALLY QUIET SO AS TO NOT WAKE UP GABRIEL COS HE GETS UPSET WHEN HE WAKES UP AND EITHER ME OR HIS DAD AREN'T IN BED WITH HIM. HE DOESN'T LIKE TO SLEEP ALONE. BUT I LOVE IT WHEN HE CALLS MY NAME OUT TO ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT NEEDING ME NEXT TO HIM... I LOVE IT WHEN HE SAYS MY NAME AT ALL! GIOVANNI AND I ARE BOTH EAGER TO PROGRESS IT TO 'DAD' BUT WE DON'T WANNA CONFUSE THE POOR KID HE'S ALREADY CONFUSED ABOUT WHERE HIS MUM IS LET ALONE WHY DID AARON TURN INTO DAD AND WHAT IS HAPPENING TO DAD NOW THAT AARON IS DAD??? COS... THSI IS PRESUMING... THAT GIOVANNI ISNT HERE TO EXPLAIN IT TO HIM... WHICH WOULD BE STUPID... I THINK... IF WE TELL IT TO HIM IN MATHS TERMS, BECAUSE HE *LOVES* MATHS HE IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MATHS GENIUS... HE WILL JUST LOVE IT. WE'LL BE LIKE OMG, TWO DADS! OMG!!! TWO!!!!!!! ONE.............TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ONE DAD TWO DADS!!! He loves *anything* to do with counting like that, whether it's just counting one or counting up to a hundred. He's also trying to spell now. And also he finally did a poo in the toilet for the first time this week!!!! Givoanni and I are so relieved because he needs to be toilet trained to start school and we were wroried he was going to have to stay back even further and be even more of a giant in his classroom.... or rather.. just stick out like a sore thumb... because he is the loudest most silliest kid in the world. You can tell he's going to be one of those guys that is always joking and laughing (god he laughs ALL THE TIME... its brilliant and contageous) because he's always making silly jokes like he'll grab a toy car and be like "whats this?" and i'll be like "a car!" and he'll be like "no... not a car! its a... pig!!!" and i'll say "oh my gosh, a pig?! oink oink!" and he'll laugh and go "nooo! not a pig! that's silly! it's a car!" and then he'll just laugh his head off like he's just the most hilarious thing ever... lol... and he is!!!
7 what was my point... so yeah we were ... fuck my alcohol ran out somewhere in the middle fo that praragraph... anyway! so we were trying to be REALLY quiet... oh nah its not as funny now that i'm a bit more sober... ahhh i'll go drink some more and go continue cleaning WE ARE CLEANING REALLY WELL THE HOUSE IS SOOO SPICK AND SPAN!!!!!!!!!
8. if any of the stuff about gabriel's counting and not understanding two dads and standing out like a sore thmb in the classroom and not being toilet trained DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO YOU... he has autism!! so yes his development is a bit all over the place but who needs to poop in a toilet bowl when you can count to a hundred and memorise entire scenes from movies or entire songs after only heasring them once?hmmm? who needs to POOOOOOOOOOOP
Love too much x3 25/07/2010
What? I didn't write half an entry in all capitals. Are you crazy? I would never do such a thing. I'm cool as a cucumber slicked with saliva and pre-cum. Have I ever mentioned how my subby loves his vegetables? I asked him if he selects his cucumbers at the supermarket with "how will this feel inside of me?" in his head. Haha. He's amazing. Funny little boy.
Giovanni and I couldn't keep our hands off each other. I promised him no-strings sex. He said that there are always strings between us and I said, no, there won't be this time. In the past I decided I would never fuck him again because every time I do, I think I'm in love with him. I thought I was smarter than that this time. But I'm not. I'm not every smart at all. Now there are strings, lots of strings, and we have to think of the kid, but I want to hold him again, so bad. Hold him and kiss him because he's beautiful and weak and strong.
Luke had his little break and here he is, laying beside me, fast asleep, snoring from the alcohol, splayed out all post-sex and messy. Love him. Love too much.
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you're really funny when drunk!