My regular readers already know about my ADHD and how difficult it has become to take care of the household duties as a result. Oftentimes I feel like a dud submissive because as much as I'd love to serve Luke in that way, I'm just really shit at it. I can't even cook eggs without burning them, lol. However I set my alarm this morning to get up before Luke does -- another difficult task because he gets up at sunrise -- so I could prepare the table for him with the utensils and such he'd need for breakfast, unpacked our new dishwasher he installed yesterday and returned to bed so I could snuggle him until he woke and give him a morning blowjob.
He was so pleased with my effort ^_^ And so was I!! I love putting attention to detail into things like this, and it makes me so proud of myself when Luke notices what I've done and rewards me with a pat on the head and says "good boy". I wanted to sit on the floor next to him while he ate but I figured I'd wait until he tells me to do that. I can't just go and do everything all at once after so long of acting all self-righteous. I guess what I mean is that I feel like I need to earn the right to kneel beside him again. I think I need to show him that I genuinely want that position again. I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off without it. And he doesn't need to beat me awfully bad like I've complained of wanting before. If he doesn't feel it is safe to do so, who am I to argue and insist otherwise? I should trust and respect his judgement because he is so much smarter than I am when it comes to safety.
Anyway better run. He's been mowing Sarah's parents' lawn but he should be home soon. |
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