ok. i dont think this is an std. i think that it's a side effect to the fucked up shit i've been putting my body through as of late. i've been abusing my prescription medications in order to not sleep, so i've slept about seven hours in the last five nights. and that was one night, four nights ago. i've also been doing a lot of physical work around the house, moving furniture and shit. in the dead of the night. i've not been eating. i've been drinking nothing but red bull. my skin has turned to utter shit, but not in the normal way. it's not acne, it's just... not looking right. you know about the ingrown hairs i was complaining about a few entries back? well, they've all gotten inflamed, some are beginning to look infected even though i've been trying to do everything to prevent that from happening. on top of that, my tastebuds are inflamed. this is a side effect of sleep deprivation and dehydration. i have been drinking litres of water. ive had this inflamed tastebud thing happen before, they get inflamed and then just fall off... it's weird, gross, but it doesn't hurt, but it's gross. it happens over the course of like an hour and then my tongue is back to normal for the rest of the day. well it's been happening more often over the last few months (had never happened before that, just been gradually getting increasingly worse), and last night it was like... really fucked up. on top of that, i was having nosebleeds all night long.
i did some research last night about the std thing. i looked at photos and such to try to figure out what it might be. it doesn't look like any of those, not even like a really mild version of it... i'm going to keep a close eye on it over the next few days and see if it changes at all. it's not reacting in the same way as my skin and tongue, but i'm thinking it's probably related somehow. ...so no, my genitals aren't pussy, bloody, infected or falling off. just... doesn't look like it should.
last time i got a blood test to check up on my general health -- that's what they do when you are being treated for anorexia, to make sure you're consuming the right vitamins and minerals and blah blah blah... because anorexics will always say they've been eating normally, but blood tests don't lie i suppose. anyway, that was a few months ago now that i'm no longer at the clinic. however, the doctor did mention that one of the blood tests needed to be redone because it didn't look correct, however i never got retested. so now i'm wondering in what it was exactly that needed to be redone and in what way it didn't look correct, and if it could have been something that could be explaining this shit going on right now. because other than these physical symptoms, i feel fine. i'm not even dizzy or anything which is how i usually get after a few nights iwthout sleeping. however i have no idea what exactly i was even being tested FOR (it's like a routine thing i had like a LOT of blood taken that day lol it was fun i love needles!) so i don't know what to ask to have tested if i was to go to a doctor, without letting them know what i've been doing (because i don't want them to take my meds away) .... aaaaagh. anyway, something is fucking up. so i'm going to experiment over the next few days and do everything that normal people do ie. eat healthily and sleep a full nights sleep and generally take it easy, as well as treating the sores on my legs and tongue and face and nape piercing (which was just starting to heal correctly, now it's looking like it's going the same way as the shit on my legs!!!) to kill off any bacteria or whatever... and basically look after myself i suppose (well i'll try to... i'm not very good at that, obviously) and see if the sores start to heal. because right now, they're not healing. they're just staying the same level of fucked up, only getting more noticeable. ...
i know i sounded really attractive in this entry and now that i have turned you all on with my body ailments, just a quick community announcement --- don't be anorexic, don't abuse your medication just take it how you're supposed to fucken take it, don't poke yourself with needles for fun, and um... yeah, if you head my advice you won't look like me.
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