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an empty frame.'s Diary
by an empty frame.

previous entry: Money in a poor man's world

next entry: My sweetheart the drunk

The trick is to keep breathing

11/10/2010

While I was out this afternoon going for a therapeutic run in the rain, burning calories (burn burn burn bitch burn) 'til I could burn no more, Luke came home from work and took it upon himself to clean our bedroom.

Last night, I chewed my dinner and spat it out into tissue after tissue I pulled from one pocket clean and stuffed into the other soiled. Missing any opportunity to dispose of my half-chewed mess, it stayed pocketed until we fell into bed together. Lights out, my pants were dropped on the floor and forgotten about. Kissing, licking, sucking, groping and fucking between us, once before sleep, twice before rising. Today came and went like any other day.

Our bedroom floor is always covered with clothing, clean and dirty, laundry baskets turned upside down, boots and belts wherever they land as we undress every day. We're a messy couple. It doesn't bother either one of us unless we're expecting visitors. Occasionally, when we run low on clean clothing, we pull random shit off the floor and chuck it in the washer. Today was that day, and as Luke picked my pants off the floor, chewed up bits of chicken fell across our bed. He turned both pockets inside out and emptied the entire contents of all I had 'eaten' during last night's meal onto the blanket. Then he went for a long drive.

When I returned from my run I didn't think to look in the bedroom. It wasn't until hours later when I figured I'd take a nap until I saw it. I just cried, feeling so dirty and ashamed and embarrassed and sorry.

Later he asked me why I still bother to lie to him. I told him I do it to protect him. That made him angry. He asked me to admit myself into hospital. I said I'd rather die. He said, "obviously." Then he asked me to kindly start saving for my own funeral, and left.

Not sure if he'll come home tonight. But I don't care. I got some guy's number the other day. I'm going to ring him up and invite him 'round.

previous entry: Money in a poor man's world

next entry: My sweetheart the drunk

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*hugs*

[Tinkerbell &heartsStar|0 likes] [|reply]

yep thats the sylvanians i'm on about. i loooove them! i had them as a kid too!
yes thats how maica is pronounced! how cool!
x

[.November.Butterfly.|0 likes] [|reply]

wouldn't he get angry either way?

can you admit yourself to hospital? i don't know how any of that works. don't they only see people with bits falling off them or burns or have cancer?

luke won't get annoyed with some guy being there? lol.

[& skull.Star|0 likes] [|reply]

i suppose he means hospital as in treatment or somewhere where he can get help, not like a regular dr.

and, i'm sorry that happened.

♥Lacy

[foreverglowStar|0 likes] [|reply]

but they already did that at a clinic specifically for that. that's why i was confused.

[& skull.Star|0 likes] [|reply]

hehe Ev <3 I love you. Anyway yeah should've explained better. He was referring to voluntary hospitalisation where I would admit myself as an in-patient under constant supervision and probably have a feeding tube depending on whatever the doctor ordered. At the clinic I was an out-patient. I don't think he'd want me to go to the clinic for that because he had a few disagreements with the doctors there. There are a few other hospitals that treat anorexia here or I could go to a regular hospital too, but that would suck even more than usual.
NB the clinic WAS a hospital, I just called it "the clinic".

[an empty frame.|0 likes] [|reply]

At the next level there's involuntary hospitalisation.

[an empty frame.|0 likes] [|reply]

He really does care, you know. Not everyone will. I hope he comes back.

[polywogStar|0 likes] [|reply]

Hey there, I saw a comment you left on one of my faves and it caught my eye. Mind if I add you to my faves?

[♥, Julie™Star|0 likes] [|reply]

ryc: His mother has hated me even before we were together. She isn't a very nice person and basically had him brainwashed. (Cinderella story.. but with a male lead?) I showed him that what his parents were doing and how they were treating him weren't normal. He started to develop a backbone and she twisted that into me turning him into a monster. He's not a monster. He's the best person I've ever met in my life.

My parents were OK with the relationship for a while, but because he literally moved across the country to be with me, his mother talked my mother into hating him. His mother made my mother believe that I helped brainwash him and turn him into something he's not. His mother also made my mother believe that he's doing nothing but using me.

Those are the cliff notes.. It's a much longer story than that..

[theregoesmyheart|0 likes] [|reply]

previous entry: Money in a poor man's world

next entry: My sweetheart the drunk

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