Thinking with his dick

12/31/2010

Oh Aaron, why don't you ever go out and party? Because I'd rather stab myself in the eye, my friends, than listen to my boyfriend in the next room fuck someone younger and skinnier than I. I pretended to sleep -- but how could I? -- listening to their huffing and puffing, hushed groaning, heavy breathing, somehow amplified through the thin walls between us. I reluctantly took off my pants because I was sweating hot but I kept my keys in my fist should anyone, namely Luke, try to approach me as I slept.

He's allowed to fuck whoever he wants for as long as I am (and, in his defense, it's usually a turn on for me if I'm in the house at the time and can hear them) but there's an unspoken rule that it can't be someone thinner than me. That's why we don't talk about his skinny ex boyfriends. That's why we pretend he doesn't have a fetish for boney hips and spidery fingers. I don't want to imagine him thinking, I wish Aaron wasn't so fucked up, I wish he'd lose weight, I wish he was as thin as he was on the night we first met... I wish he wasn't such a lard ass chubby motherfucker.

Fat fat fat.

Yeah, Luke is fucking that kid like there's no tomorrow. I've heard him cum twice already. Leave the kid alone and come fuck me, dammit. I hate you right now. I've been hating you a lot lately. Is it Be An Asshole week?

...

That was last night. He slept in here with me after fucking that boy for hours, and at the crack of dawn he was in there again. Someone tell the kid he sounds like a bitch and to put a fucking sock in it, and while he's at it, quit opening his legs to my boyfriend.

...

A few more hours have passed since writing that ^. I told Luke I was going home once I heard the fucking had stopped, and he grabbed his clothes and came with me. He saw that I was hurt and apologised the whole way home. He said that he thought I wouldn't mind, I've never minded before. I stewed over it for a while before admiting that the problem was that the guy he was doing it with was younger and thinner than I am. He frowned and tried to tell me that he wasn't skinnier than me. That just made me feel worse because all I wanted was an honest apology, not lies to cover up where he'd gone wrong. Now we're home and he's getting ready to go scuba diving with one of his brothers, but he says he'll stay home if I want him to. To be honest, I really don't want to be alone. Luke's busy social life can leave me feeling pretty damn lonely a lot of the time. But I don't want him staying here out of guilt or obligation and he has been planning going scuba diving all week, so goodbye, my love, I'll see you this evening.

I'll spend the day working out. That will make me feel better, I hope.