Umm...

02/05/2011

[NB I actually wrote this on the 3rd]

I've begun compulsively picking at my skin and I have infected scabs and craters where I've picked off layers of skin all over my legs. They're rather painful but I can't stop doing it. I feel like there's something in the wound I need to get out and then it'll feel better, even though I know if I don't leave it alone it'll never heal. I'm freaking out about it while Luke thinks it's funny. I love it when he laughs at me makes me feel better that he finds my "quirks" are amusing rather than going O_O "you are so fucked up" He did tell me though if I didn't stop performing surgery on my legs he'd confiscate them.

Guess what! I've gained weight! I don't hate myself because of it!! Which in itself is a big achievement for me but I'm not thinking too deeply about thatttttt. I assume the picking thing is related to it too. But anyway. IM FITTING MY CLOTHES A LOT NICER NOW ANNNDDDD IT OCCURED TO ME EARLIER IF I GAIN ENOUGH AND GET MORE FUNCTIONAL IE. CAN STAND UP FOR HOURS AT A TIME ... I can get a normal job! I don't know what but like... If I had a normal job Luke could completely fucken ruin my ass and it wouldn't MATTER!!!!! Heeelloooooooo!