watch your world collapse as our worlds collide

I still think about my eating disorder sometimes. Especially when I am trying on clothes. I still think I'm fat when pants don't fit right or when I need a size up in shirts. In reality its because I am 5'11" not because I am "fat". Its so hard to get the thoughts out of your head. Even 7 years later I will catch a glimpse of myself at the wrong angle and think "god I'm disgusting".

- misseriin*

Hang in there. Is your therapy helping any?

Eating disorders, abuse, rape, ect., they all lend a tragic phenomena called Post traumatic stress syndrom to our lives.

Mike and I will be in the middle of it sometimes, and I'll have flash back to awful things. With my ex I used to do the same as you - beg for it to be harder to faster, make it hurt. something to drown out the thoughts. but as I've gone on, and I've found that sometimes you have to stop and take a breath - or you might mix up your partner and what you really resent in your mind.

I'm just saying that's my experience. obviously your own experience is yours. But there can be a fragile difference when you're mixing emotions and trauma and fucking. I'm sure you know your limit though

*hugs*

//Gravida ;;*

God, I hate that - when something so consuming and ugly won't even let you enjoy sex. Quite recently, I found myself yelling 'make me forget!' at him, but no matter how much he tried... it wouldn't leave. Horrible place, the human mind.

happy birthday my dear!
xxx

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU OLD MAN! YOU ARE TOTALLY A QUARTER OF A CENTURY NOW!

Estella the Elder

"God, I hate that - when something so consuming and ugly won't even let you enjoy sex. "


I feel that way with my boyfriend right now. I'm so angry and spiteful over so many things, and sex is starting to become a chore that I'm dreading. I hate myself for a lot of things too, at the moment, and it's sucking everything out of me.