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an empty frame.'s Diary
by an empty frame.

previous entry: Skinny Masochist

next entry: trigger warning.

Wax play

07/13/2010

Falling for this boy is one of the most inconvenient things I've ever accidently done to myself. He says he won't let himself fall in love and he won't talk about it. If he would, I'd tell him he's already in love. Silly boy. He tells me that he's tried so hard to not like me. He thinks of all the things about me that should be deal breakers, but they're not, he can't help it. It seems to me that the more you resist love, the more fiercely it claws at you. My love is ripping him to shreds. He is so beautifully raw, so tender and fragile.

I dripped wax across his torso. Just a few drops: a rough trail from one hip bone to the other. He cried out and gripped the edge of the table I had him laid out on. He squeezed his eyes shut and breathed out, almost groaning, even. I held the candle closer to his body and dripped two more little puddles on his beautifully smooth, dark skin, closer towards his belly button than before. His hips lifted off the table and his body twisted this way and that. He groaned again, "god, yes... Thank you... Sir..." Plenty more drips now, all over his lower torso. His hips bucked for me. He began sobbing. His hands flew to his face, hiding. More drips, lower. He very nearly screamed!!! He rolled onto his side, squirming so beautifully, and threw his arms around my hips, clutching me with desperation. "No!!!! No, Sir, please, no!" His hands raced down my legs, digging his nails into my flesh. I had to put the candle out out of fear of dropping it, he was moving so wildly. I chuckled, amused by this display of complete abandon. A few seconds later he was still hugging my hips, catching his breath. I forced him back onto his backside, and he hissed and wriggled. I relit the candle. I could feel his eyes on my face, but I was rubbing his thighs, gently prying them open as much as I could with one free hand. He was breathing so heavily through clenched teeth, groaning in anticipation, and as he began begging me, "no, don't, not there, please!!!" he began grinding his ass against the table, his legs relaxed and opened wider, his eyes closed and between gnawing at his lip he repeated "please... please... please..."
"You still with me, baby?"
"Yessssss... Ssssscared... Yes..."
"I don't believe you."
"YES. Ffffuck!! Sir!" Hips bucking wildly again, practically begging me, eyes open now, fiercely fixed on mine until I look to his inner thighs -- dark, open, mine! -- and decorate them with beads of white wax. He literally screams. You'd think I'd just sawed his legs off. I drip more on there and he keeps up the noise, tears flowing now. I decide he's had enough, put the candle away and rub his legs, kiss them, love them. He whimpers pathetic-like, and sobbing loudly, beautifully, says the safeword. I'm so proud of him for saying it! It's the first time he has.

He used to say he had no limits. I never took that seriously, but he did. So finding a limit together was kind of a nice moment for me. Filled my heart right up. I kissed his forehead, cheeks and lips. He held me there and kissed me fully, still crying into my mouth. Afterwards, he just thanked me over and over and over. I laid my head on his chest as I picked the cooled wax off his skin. He was quiet and still now, his hands in my hair. It was the most amazing feeling ever, all of this, this afterglow. His skin so beautiful and red in patches I'd designed. His cock growing for me as I told him how proud I am of him, what a good boy he is, and how sexy he is. And seeing that, I of course had to put it in my mouth. And I'll never forget the way he gasped with surprise before throwing his head back, arching, hiding his face behind his hands and groaning like some animal, like nothing I've heard from him before. He was on another planet (sub space) but my sexual little minx looked so good moving the way he was, the sounds he made were driving me so fucking wild too, and I couldn't help it, I just had to devour him. Licking, sucking, kissing, kissing, kissing his cock, all over it, loving it, loving him. He had his hands in my hair now, holding onto me, keeping me there. He called me by my name, back on planet earth now, but no less aroused or eager. I pulled one hand away from my head so I could just hold it, with our fingers entwined. I watched his face as his eyes softened and the lip he was gnawing at fell from between clenched teeth, and he smiled at me. I moved up and kissed him, finished him by jerking him. He held onto me so tightly through it all.

God how I want to tell him I love love love him!! "I fucking love you!" I do, I do, I do. So much I feel lost with my love, so intense it scares me, but not as much as it scares him, so I must stay strong for both of us. I think back and I kick myself for not sucking on him longer, for not giving him the world's best blow job evarrrr... But I want to take it snail's pace with him. I know that's what he needs. I don't want to take him too far out of his comfort zone and make him freak out or shut down. Slowly, slowly...

previous entry: Skinny Masochist

next entry: trigger warning.

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i think you're doing well. and he must love you if he trusts you this much. i'm glad he finally used the safe word and that you found a limit together.

[& skull.|0 likes] [|reply]

You showed him you loved him by doing this. The pain with the kiss. The aftercare he's never ever gotten. Let that be enough. What do the words themselves matter? Let him have his safety, whatever he needs to transform without shattering.
Your silence is such a little gift. Just let him have it.

[a little one|0 likes] [|reply]

Also, that's the first thing you've written that's made *me* want to touch myself. *grin* Hope you don't mind.

[a little one|0 likes] [|reply]

That is completely beautiful to me.. I think that your actions speak your love. Maybe it doesn't need to be "said"?
In response to your comment.. As far as M, I am hesitant in meeting him because I am confused in what I feel. I am torn between attempting a relationship with him and pursuing a relationship with C (C is the dom). I have alot of conflicting feelings regarding both men.. However, I do see myself gravitating towards C. He is much more able to offer me exactly what I am needing/wanting..

[blatant|0 likes] [|reply]

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