I'm uncharacteristically angry today. Especially at j1. He's done nothing to deserve it. Maybe my hormones are fucked up. I've kinda been screwing up with my birth control. Or maybe finding out the news that he's going on vacation with Shana and then him flirting with Jackie all night and disappearing is making me jealous? I sure hope not, cause that would be LAME-SAUCE! Or maybe I had a bad dream about him that I just can't remember. Or maybe I'm still hungover and it's making my mood sour. He called me last night at 3 30 AM (I was actually sleeping) cause he wanted to come over. I mean I felt kinda bad, since he was already so close to my house, but I told him I wanted to sleep (which is so true cause I felt like shit yesterday). I felt so bad about it though!!! I mean, the fact that I'm assuming he wanted sex from me is really kinda mean, isn't it? I mean he is my best friend, maybe he just needed me cause he had a shitty night. I don't know. I'm totally reading too much into this. I slept 11 hours last night...... and I still feel sour. (I normally never sleep that long, but I had a bad hangover yesterday so I guess my body needed it.)
Anyway, I hope I'm not "mad" cause of some stupid feelings. I don't have them anymore, and I don't plan to get them back anytime soon. Call me bitter, but I honestly just don't wanna give a shit. All I need is a physical relationship, no romantic, lovey dovey crap. That's why having j1 in my life the way he's there right now is really quite perfect.
Maybe I'm still just embarrassed from Thursday night, I mean, I was a drunk mess. Maybe I'm just scared he doesn't find me desirable anymore, and this anger is just a self-defense. Dude, seriously, I woke up this morning and I thought "I'm not gonna text him today, fuck him." Like really?? Where did all that aggression come from?! I just had my period, so I know it's not PMS.
Maybe I'm just really angry with my ex, and totally displacing it. I think I want to go out for a run (well, jog, I don't run cause I'm totally out of shape). Hopefully I'll be back to normal by the time I get back. But still, I'm not gonna text j1 today. He probably needs a break from me anyway. TTYL |
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