4 years ago was the most horrifying day of my life.
For those who don't know, I work at a group home for adults with severe but stable mental illnesses.
I'm going to summarize what happened on that real life nightmare of a day.
It was a Thursday, I was scheduled to work that day.
I went to a cosino with my mom and older brother the day before and stayed over so my mom would drive me to work.
My mom said to me "I don't think you'll be working today."
When we pulled up, there was yellow tape around the property of my work. There was police ccars, fire engenes and an ambulans.
I called my boss, nothing. I called a friend in my company, nothing.
All I knew was, someone was murdered at my work.
I was glewed to the news and to Boston.com. As bits of information was being shared, the nightmare got worse and worse.
My 25 year old coworker, Stephanie, was murdered by a 27 year old animal client of mine.
Disbelief, pain, paranoia, couldn't sleep, images of the crime playing in my head. Then it was "it could have been me" along with "I wonder how others are doing"
This pain lasted for a long while. We didn't go back to the house for 6 weeks and even that was after a few group counseling sessions with my coworkers, supervisor and her supervisor. I think we had 6 sessions as a group.
However, the pain didn't stop.
We had the funeral.
We had the news media talking about us almost weekly. Accusing us that we did something wrong. We could have prevented this. Saying things that just were so far-fetched in almost every article I read. This is how I learned first hand, the press can print whatever they want. Even if it's infomoration to fill up pages it seems.
Eventually, it came to the trial. I had met with a lawyer a few times on my own and with my coworkers, which the company hired. He was good.
Eventually the date came where I had to testify. I believe the date was Oct 9th, 2013. I don't know what a panic attack feels like, but I felt was on a 10 scale, my stress level was a 10 and for most of the day, spiking to a 12 when I was first put on the witness stand.
A few weeks later, I found out through a company email, that the animal was found guilty on all charge and would be in prison and the key would be destroyed.
Every day when I go to work I think of Stephanie.
Every day when I go to work I think of how this was the place of the crime.
Every day when I'm at work, I feel a bit of pain, even if it is barely noticeable, it's there.
As the faces change in my work, as my coworkers and clients come and go, I feel more and more alone. I know that no one I work with was there 4 years ago. The overnight counselor and I are the only ones left. I have no one to turn to to talk about this. My coworkers and supervisors don't understand. They don't even know when the date is.
I am happy to report that there was security and safety things pput into place because of this tragity. Unfortunately, nothing would have changed what that animal did.
SM. you had your entire life ahead of you. You were engaged, you were going to go back to school to be a psych nurse. You had it all and you would have had a great life. You maybe gone but you will never be forgotten.
Rest in heaven Stephanie
************
Although I loved this song before, it took me a few years to be able to listen to it again. Even today when it comes on my MP3 player, most of the time I'll skip it. It's too painful.
"August 7, 4:15"
John Bon Jovi
[This song is dedicated to the memory of Katherine Korzilius.]
[Sometimes God calls His angels ... too soon.]
Ah...
It was another day
Perfect Texas afternoon
Mother and two children play
The way they always do
As they raced home from the mailbox
A mother and her son
Against a little girl of six years old
The independent one
Ah...
The deputies went door to door through all the neighborhood
They said I got some news to tell you folks
I'm afraid it ain't so good
Somehow something happened
Someone got away
Someone got the answers for what happened here today
Oh no, oh no, oh no no no no
Tell me it was just a dream - August 7, 4:15
God closed His eyes and the world got mean - August 7, 4:15
Now the people from the papers
And the local TV news tried to find the reason
Cop dogs sniffed around for clues
Someone shouted "Hit and run"
The coroner cried "Foul"
Her blue dress was what she wore
The day they laid her body down
Oh no, oh no, oh no no no no
Tell me it was just a dream - August 7, 4:15
God closed His eyes and the world got mean - August 7, 4:15
No...
[Guitar solo]
I know tonight that there's an angel up on Heaven's highest hill
And no one there can hurt you baby, no one ever will
Somewhere someone's conscience is like a burning bed
The flames are all around you
How you gonna sleep again ?
Oh no, oh no, oh no no no no
Tell me it was just a dream - August 7, 4:15
God closed His eyes and the world got mean - August 7, 4:15
Tell me it was just a dream - August 7, 4:15
God closed His eyes and the world got mean - August 7, 4:15
[ 4:15 to fade ]
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