sorry for the sorta abrupt ending and last of spell check etc...I just couldn't read it over.
I'm batting o-for when it comes to keeping friends after I meet them.
I don't have the mental or emotional energy to explain some of my thoughts right now of where I was coming from or to write about the FB messages we sent afterwards but it was just to clear up things..
I should have gone down for a week end and it would have been different.
ok, starting you back up with the last few paragraphs of the last part.
Monday setp 15
She said it’s 5:30. Do you want me to put the TV on for you or something?
I said no, I have my computer.
She said: ok, well, I’ll be back at 8 o’clock.
she came in with food for me. The kids played for a little bit then one by one they took showers or baths. and got in PJ's. I was playing with the ones who were down stairs till they were all up stairs. I went up stairs. She told me that her oldest is going to sleep on the couch and I'll stay in his room. I said I could sleep on the couch? she said that he was excited to. I said ok. I asked what her plans were tomorrow. wake up and make pancakes. take the two older kids to her mom's. the come home and start on the office. The post office opens at 9 So she has to go there and then come back and finish the office. and take you where ever you have to go tomorrow. (to meet Sam for the game) I said ok. and then she said that she was going to go to sleep too. It was 9PM. call me stupid but I thought that maybe we would stay up and maybe watch a movie or just talk. or something. I hope she heard the hurt in my voice when I said good night. That was at 9pm at 9:45 she was on FB, still commenting on a pic she posted of herself at work.
I got up at 3:30 to use the bathroom, on my way back to my room I knocked into a little person, without thinking, I said go back to bed. and continued to the room I was sleeping in. Then I heard a sneeze at my door and thought... wait, even if you got out of your crib, how did you get out of your room? I didn't know what to do so I just took him into bed with me and slept a bit with him on my arm-shoulder.
She woke me at whatever time, I was dozing off-on with this 2 year old on my arm.
The first thing she says is: He never wakes up in the night. How did he get here?
I sorta just mumble something and she says well, pancakes are ready. And took the baby from me.
No thank you or awww or anything from her for taking care of her kid.
Tuesday Septembr 16
Breakfast
She made pancakes that were pretty good.
Kids to parents house
Again, left me alone for an hour.
Paint office
She painted the office.
At first, I was just sitting on the stairs, that faces the office. I was playing with her baby. At first we were roling a ball back-forth, then we played with cars then went back to the ball but was throwing it at me, so I somehow had to catch it without any warning and I actually did a few times but most of the time, he would over throw me and I would say “you have to go get it” and he would.
And that’s when the following discussion happened.
after getting upset internally from her not saying anything, I went to "my room" and had a few silent tears. I went down and told her how I felt. I said that I spent more time with her kids than with you. she said you don’t have to play with them. They can play all by themselves. She said that she was sorry but I wake at 4AM so when 9PM comes arounds, I'm tired. You knew I had to paint. What do you want to do? me: I don't know, I figured we would go to the movies or just go and hang out or something. she: well how do I know what you want to do if you don't tell me. I'm not a mind reader. (then she brings up how her man is quiet too and she cant stand that) if you have something to say, you need to just say it. I don't know if you ar shy or just have nothing to say but I'm listening. I said well, what do you do with your friends? she said, I only hang out with two people. When I'm with Steph, we go to concerts and when I'm with Andrew, We either go to a bar and hang out or go to his place and chill. Me: ok, so now is a good time to go do something you want to do. She: that's not it Jonathan. If I wanted to go do something, I could. there is just nothing I want to do. but if there is something you want to do, maybe we can go do it. but you are not really telling me what you want to do.. Me: because I don't know what’s around. She: there isn't much to do around here.
At some point I said "ok" in understanding. and she said and you say ok but that's all you say. You're not telling me what you are thinking. ...
so now I feel like crap
somewhere in all this, I talked to Lisa and she told me that I should just go home. I said I don’t want to go home plus there’s a $150 fee if I do change the flight.
Running
After she finished painting the office, she ran on her treadmill. I was on my comp for a little bit but was thirsty so went down and grabbed a can of apple soda and then sat on the stairs that faces the office, so I was listening to her run. I was smiling because I am proud of her. She just ran a half M 13.1, and she signed up for the full marathon for January.
She went up to take a shower and I went back to my room. After she was done, she said to come down, we’ll watch something on tv. I was thinking, I don’t really watch TV. But shut off my comp and went down. She put on “once upon a time” an ABC ? show about disney characters. We watched that for a few minutes then she asked me what type of movies I like. I said mostly just sports and Disney and some comidy. I said, anything but action. She asked why I said because it’s too visual. She said,that’s true. So she asked me if I ever watched terbo. I said no. So we watched that with her describing very well some stuff, as she is also doing her homework. I was thinking how I really like this side of her.
Sam (baseball guy) called me at 2pm said he was on track to pick me up at 3. (at some point, during the arguing, Sam called and we decided on 3PM at the pizza place in Dominique’s neighborhood.
She got her baby ready and I got myself ready for the game. She was going to drop the baby off at some point and pick up-drop off the two older kids.
We pull into the parking lott of the pizza place in her neighbor and she says “what does this guy look like?” I said, well, he’s a big guy and is bald. She said, that’s a good description.
So Sam drove me to a pizza place in her neighborhood and she would direct us from there. I called her. no answer. He called her, no answer. He tried to send a message on FB, he couldn't figure it out on his phone, (because the app kept going back to his log in info) and finally she called back 10 mins later. she said that she didn't hear the phone ring... I get back to the house and she tells me that Andrew is here. no one wonder why she couldn't get to the phone. she was too fucking busy, cleaning up. then I go in and she introduced me to him. I can tell some guuys by their hand shake and this guy did not have a firm handshake but did have wide-thick hands…and whatever. I'm just ... You know how it feels when you are so upset that it feels like you just got punched in the stomach?
Wed sept 17
Woke up, scared dom
Anthony came into my room a few he had to go.
She took the kids but I didn’t know this, she never said by or anything. I sent her a message asking if they have all left, she said that she was about to send me a message and then told me where everything was breakfast-towel.
Spent some time looking at sports stuff including fantasy football.
Lisa called to try to cheer me up. Telling me that she was being rude.
Someone was ringing the doorbell and then knocked on the door. I didn’t want to answer it. I texted Dom and she said it maybe the electrition but he’s not suppose to be there till later.
Hm, I sat around for a while, she came in with two of her kids,the two youngest.
Her daughter and I made a good team. Dominique opened a large box that had books on it. She showed me where the book shelf was in the play room and her daughter and I put them all away. She was so cute. Telling me what some of the books were as she was pulling them out. I said: can you read read? She: no. me: how do you know what the books are? She: because I just do. ME: how was your day? her: it was good. Me: what did you do? (she told me) She: can you putt this over there? (no idea what she meant.) (took the book from her and it was a small book, and I had a pile of small books to on the right side of the top shelf) ok.
When we were done with that there was a box of toys we had to put in toy bins.
Then we went to her room. We were summoned by Dominique to her daughter’s room. She had a box that was prob 9C FT full of clothes. I took them out and sorted them. Dom would hand them to her daughter and she would put them away.
Phone call for modum return package.
Lunch, just an apple soda. I wasn’t hungry and glad I wasn’t. It was 11:30…
Dom painted the office. It needed another coat. I asked her what they did last night. (of course she gave me the G rated vrsion) Her man came over about 8. He helped bring a chest of draws up to her room and help assemble some other piece of funtature. They watched a few shows then I came home. (I got in about midnight) I told her about the game. Well, more about my observations about the stadium because I know she could care less about the game.
so she (4 year old daughter) finished her lunch. She asked Dom if she could have a cookie. (dom was painting at the time) dom said yes and told ... daughter asked me to get it for her. Dom said it was in the pantry room, either 3rd or 4th shelf up. so I followed the little girl's voice to the pantry (I knew where it was but was a little faster since all I had to do is follow her voice...
so we go in and I ask her if she knows what kind of box it's in. she said no. so that didn't help me. she said "pick me up" so I did lol I picked her up, she put her feet on the second self up and looked at the 4th shelf up, she said that she couldn't find it. I said ok, want to go down a shelf? she said yes, so I lowered her, so her feet were on the bottom self and she was looking at the 3rd shelf. she said she didn't see it there either. I put her down. She said that she wanted the Halloween ones... she then told me that they were OREO's. I said, why didn't you tell me that from the beginning ? (I know what oreo cookies container feels like, they're my fav) so I discover the shelf raps around to the right so I put my hand on the 4th shelf up on the ride side of the pantry and I found an oreo box. I brought it down and said (in a victory tone) are these them? she said no, those are not the Halloween ones. So I put them back and notice there was another one behind that one and I said in a more sure tone, is this is? and showed her and she said "yes!" She took the box from me, brought it to the kid’s table (a plastic picnic bench) and yelled “Mommy how many can I have?!” Dom: 2 baby” Daughter: OK! I’m just standing at the doorway waiting for her to give e the box back but she doesn’t say anything so I asked her if I could hve the box back o I could put them away.
I even told Dom, good thing she's not my daughter or I'd be in trouble
We had to go to her mom’s house to pick up mail. Her mom came over to my door and opened it. Told me all her painting issues as she too is in the process of moving. Cant sell the house so is painting it with the hope to beautify it. She also has a professional coming to wash her rugs.
Next stop, pick up her oldest son at school. We got there 30 minutes early. Sat in her car. She wondered how all these mother’s didn’t have to work and how the all new each other. She said her son’s class gets out second.
Her son spotted us first and came into the car. She asked how school was. He said “good” she asked if he had home work. He said yes. He asked how much he said just one.
We went to a Chines restaurant in her town. (afterwards I asked how far away it was, she said 7 miles from her hous) We all went in and Dom and I ordered at the counter. She had payed the first 3 nights, I made sure I would pay on this night. I was feeling bad. We had to wait about 10 minutes. We
We brought the food home. Ate dinner. Talked about Chinese food and she doesn’t know much, especially…like I told her “I’ve been ordering for 33 years” even today, when we go to a certain restaurant, the owner, if he’s there and if he sees me, will sometimes remind me that he remembers when I was a baby and ordering. … She asked me how the food is. I said the dumplings are just alright. I said they taste like they’re store bought. She asked me how I know. I told her when my mom gets them from the store, this is what it taste like. She asked me what the sauce was. I said probably ginger. I tried it and it was. The sauce was good. I then had my main corse. Vegetable kungpow. The vegetables were really good, surprisingly fresh. The sauce wasn’t great but wasn’t bad either. It had a spice to it but not too flavorful and defanaely not a kugpow sauce.
She nd I watched two shows on the food network as that’s what she watches when she has time. She and her son were both doing homework too. She was laughing histericle at times. Made me smile to har that laugh and excited voioce when we talked about the show.One of the shows was Chop. That was pretty good but the other one was just stupid. I don’t know how she thought it was funny. When the shows were over it was bath-shower time for the kids and then at 8:30, they all, including her, went to bed.
I didn’t know what I was goig to do now. I was feeling sad, hurt, and something…else.
Saw she was on FB about 5 minutes later. so messaged her.
J: just wondering if you see the sadness in my face or hear the sadness in my voice?
D: Yes I do but you choose to hold it in and not say anything. And I'm not sure what you expect me to do. I told you what I was doing this week. This is my life it's hectic. This is the only time off I have to do anything with my house. I have to finish this stuff.
J: I hold it in because I know there is nothing I can do.
I didn't realize your life was this hectic.
Like I said earlier today, I have no idea how you do this, except that you have to. You truly are an amazing woman.
good night
Thursday sept 18th
Woke at 4 West time.
OJ for breakfast
One of her kids knocked over? The book case that Dom’s daughter and I put way books on yesterday so when I was done with hmm something, I asked if there was anything more I could do. She said well, if you want to, you can put away all the books (someone) made a mess with. I said, are you going to end up doing it? she said yes, so I said ok, than I’ll do it.
Separated tooks from books and put toys in bin and book on book shelf
Food shopping
Electrission
2 book cases of Cook books
CDS
My x is still trying to get with me for sex.
I mention, cant believe you still talk to steve for what he did to you a few weeks ago.
What about?
When he cheated on you.
I was upset at the time, but I shouldn’t have been. We were not dating, we were just having sex. I should have expected it.
Steve can be a very caring guy when he wants to be. He went out to San Diago this week with a girl for some training and that girl use to work with Andrew. Maybe you can find some diert on Andrew. Second thought, don’t do that. well, you can but I only want to know if it’s really bad. Steve said that he’s good.
Unpacked carefully over 20 Disney Land frames and put the stirophome back in box.
Unpacked Dishes and put them away in kitchen.
Posters in kid’s rooms
Barros for Lunch, wings, buffalo and teriachi. She had pizza. She was fascinated by 7 tables of elderly women playing cards. (she posted about it on FB that she was there and that she wishes she could retire so she could play. When I got back to my computer, I found out that she never tagged me. So far, nothing on FB about me being here.
She had to go to the post office. She’s not getting mail. The HOA has to send a master key for the MAO mail box. She called HOA and talked to them. The person she talked to was very nice. She emailed the information to Dom that she needs to set up everything to get the key for her mail box and for the post office to also get a “master key” for it.
My shiness and not standing up for myself, reasons why I don’t have many friends and cant keep them. I don’t have a gf. Not willing to find job outside of field. Degrees don’t mean anything you need work experience. I don’t know how to have normal conversations. It’s not all about sports and things you like. You should talk about random shit.
I should date a blind person. Why not? isn’t that like what people do to you that you don’t like? That’s being hipacritical.
You should have John go on the dating sights like… so you can get layed.
You should apply to any and all jobs. It’s something which is better tha what you got now and you can socialize and maybe meet someone that way.
Put 200 Dvd on shelf while she left to get kids.
She texted me
D: Hey before I forget do you mind if my daughter stays with you in the morning then while I take my son to school
J: I don’t mind at all
D: Awesome thanks! That way she can sleep in
8pm she came home ,heated up the vegetables from the night before for me, and put one kid to bed and the girl stayed up. Her man comes in about 8:30. They go in the garage and get stuff and bring it up to her room and all the while I’m playing with the girl. We’re singing Disney songs. I get her to remind me the password to the micky mouse club. She’s drawing Halloween things. She asks me what I am going to be. For Halloween.
At some point, as Dom and her man are being silly in the kitchen, and I was at the kid’s picnic table with her daughter, she said what time is it? oh it’s way past your bedtime.
She left me alone with him for a few minutes. I talked about baseball and all the stadiums I’ve been to, creatiqued Chase field.
I had mentioned something about Judiism to her today. so the buzzed Dom was feeling was making her extra hyper…plus I’m sure it was a bit of something else too. She was determined to find the SNL with Chanukah Harry. She found a top 10…
Set the scene: I was on one side of the table they were on the other and turned sideways, we faced the computer on the counter as she played youtube videos.
I already had anger inside me. I didn’t need to hear what I thought I heard…-felt. A slap she standing directly in front of him…maybe sitting on his lap? The table was shaking a bit…she turned up the volume on the video to a really loud point. I asked after 30 seconds or so if she could turn down the volume. She said in a sorta defenseless tone. “why? Is it too loud?” yes.
So she turned it back down but I think something was going on over there and not that I would ask her, she would deny it. but to be doing sexual things in front of a blind man who hasn’t had sex or any sexual contact in many years, is insulting and wrong.
And when I was in the bathroom, getting ready for bed, I could hear that sound of squeeking matres…no other souds but that was enough to make me feel like I’m not good enough to.
Friday sept 19
Got up and was in my room till Dom told me she was down tairs cooking. I went down stairs and she was cooking away, making pan cakes and bacon. Her man came down about 10 minutes later. He was very chipper. He had breakfast. He said bye and she asked in a very sad tone “whe am I going to see you again?” he said probly this weekend she said “well, I have a concert Saturday night (still in the sad tone) He said that we’ll get together Sunday. and left but she literally followed him out. Probably for a nice kis…
She came back in and gave me a plate of pancakes. Her son woke up and came down. He was playing and eventually had breakfast. After breakfast, he read (he’s in first game) Dom a book. It was a long one and he did a very good job.
He got ready for school and as hd her daughter woke up-came down stairs. Dom put the Disney Channel on. She said “be good for Jonathan” and she left to bring her son to school. We watched 3 shows. She wanted her breakfast. Dom left out a bowl for cerial, I just had to poor the milk in. So I went over to the fridge, noticed 2 gallion containers and couldt tell the milk from the water so asked her daughter to help me. I asked if this was the milk? and put my hand on it. She said no. I put my hand on the other and asked again and she said yes. So I took it and brought it over to the table, asked her if she wanted a little or a lot. She said a lot. So I gave her a lot. I put the milk back and then layed on the couch. At some point, I was feeling very hot and dizzy. I had her daughter assist me with located the cups. She walked over to the cabint and said, it’s in this one. I thanked her ad she ran back to whatever she was doing. I poored myself a few classes of water and layed back down. I was still feeling it so took a cold shower …however, there was no cold water in the shower Not compared to my house or any other shower I’ve used. I went back into my room and realized …hey the fan feel very good. So I stayed in there for a while. Went back down stairs for a while to watch more cartoons and got another few more glasses of water.
I chatted with Lisa via FB and told her some of what was going on. It was the 3rd time this week I chatted with her in some form. She didn’t like what was going on.
For most of 2 hours after she got back from dropping her son off, she painted her bedroom. (part of me watching the cartoons) and when she was done, she went running ad then…out for lunch..
Target
Burger place
Dropped daughter off
Picked up mail
Ordered stensles that came in for the kids to draw with.
Went to airport
Went down to gate with me.
Stayed for 15 minuts or so.
We hugged. Said our good bye.
I then held her shoulders and she said “what?” as Ithen said “nothing” as teers were flowing down my face.
What I was thinking was “I wish I could see you”
She said it’s 5:30. Do you want me to put the TV on for you or something?
I said no, I have my computer.
She said: ok, well, I’ll be back at 8 o’clock.
she came in with food for me. The kids played for a little bit then one by one they took showers or baths. and got in PJ's. I was playing with the ones who were down stairs till they were all up stairs. I went up stairs. She told me that her oldest is going to sleep on the couch and I'll stay in his room. I said I could sleep on the couch? she said that he was excited to. I said ok. I asked what her plans were tomorrow. wake up and make pancakes. take the two older kids to her mom's. the come home and start on the office. The post office opens at 9 So she has to go there and then come back and finish the office. and take you where ever you have to go tomorrow. (to meet Sam for the game) I said ok. and then she said that she was going to go to sleep too. It was 9PM. call me stupid but I thought that maybe we would stay up and maybe watch a movie or just talk. or something. I hope she heard the hurt in my voice when I said good night. That was at 9pm at 9:45 she was on FB, still commenting on a pic she posted of herself at work.
I got up at 3:30 to use the bathroom, on my way back to my room I knocked into a little person, without thinking, I said go back to bed. and continued to the room I was sleeping in. Then I heard a sneeze at my door and thought... wait, even if you got out of your crib, how did you get out of your room? I didn't know what to do so I just took him into bed with me and slept a bit with him on my arm-shoulder.
She woke me at whatever time, I was dozing off-on with this 2 year old on my arm.
The first thing she says is: He never wakes up in the night. How did he get here?
I sorta just mumble something and she says well, pancakes are ready. And took the baby from me.
No thank you or awww or anything from her for taking care of her kid.
Tuesday Septembr 16
Breakfast
She made pancakes that were pretty good.
Kids to parents house
Again, left me alone for an hour.
Paint office
She painted the office.
At first, I was just sitting on the stairs, that faces the office. I was playing with her baby. At first we were roling a ball back-forth, then we played with cars then went back to the ball but was throwing it at me, so I somehow had to catch it without any warning and I actually did a few times but most of the time, he would over throw me and I would say “you have to go get it” and he would.
And that’s when the following discussion happened.
after getting upset internally from her not saying anything, I went to "my room" and had a few silent tears. I went down and told her how I felt. I said that I spent more time with her kids than with you. she said you don’t have to play with them. They can play all by themselves. She said that she was sorry but I wake at 4AM so when 9PM comes arounds, I'm tired. You knew I had to paint. What do you want to do? me: I don't know, I figured we would go to the movies or just go and hang out or something. she: well how do I know what you want to do if you don't tell me. I'm not a mind reader. (then she brings up how her man is quiet too and she cant stand that) if you have something to say, you need to just say it. I don't know if you ar shy or just have nothing to say but I'm listening. I said well, what do you do with your friends? she said, I only hang out with two people. When I'm with Steph, we go to concerts and when I'm with Andrew, We either go to a bar and hang out or go to his place and chill. Me: ok, so now is a good time to go do something you want to do. She: that's not it Jonathan. If I wanted to go do something, I could. there is just nothing I want to do. but if there is something you want to do, maybe we can go do it. but you are not really telling me what you want to do.. Me: because I don't know what’s around. She: there isn't much to do around here.
At some point I said "ok" in understanding. and she said and you say ok but that's all you say. You're not telling me what you are thinking. ...
so now I feel like crap
somewhere in all this, I talked to Lisa and she told me that I should just go home. I said I don’t want to go home plus there’s a $150 fee if I do change the flight.
Running
After she finished painting the office, she ran on her treadmill. I was on my comp for a little bit but was thirsty so went down and grabbed a can of apple soda and then sat on the stairs that faces the office, so I was listening to her run. I was smiling because I am proud of her. She just ran a half M 13.1, and she signed up for the full marathon for January.
She went up to take a shower and I went back to my room. After she was done, she said to come down, we’ll watch something on tv. I was thinking, I don’t really watch TV. But shut off my comp and went down. She put on “once upon a time” an ABC ? show about disney characters. We watched that for a few minutes then she asked me what type of movies I like. I said mostly just sports and Disney and some comidy. I said, anything but action. She asked why I said because it’s too visual. She said,that’s true. So she asked me if I ever watched terbo. I said no. So we watched that with her describing very well some stuff, as she is also doing her homework. I was thinking how I really like this side of her.
Sam (baseball guy) called me at 2pm said he was on track to pick me up at 3. (at some point, during the arguing, Sam called and we decided on 3PM at the pizza place in Dominique’s neighborhood.
She got her baby ready and I got myself ready for the game. She was going to drop the baby off at some point and pick up-drop off the two older kids.
We pull into the parking lott of the pizza place in her neighbor and she says “what does this guy look like?” I said, well, he’s a big guy and is bald. She said, that’s a good description.
So Sam drove me to a pizza place in her neighborhood and she would direct us from there. I called her. no answer. He called her, no answer. He tried to send a message on FB, he couldn't figure it out on his phone, (because the app kept going back to his log in info) and finally she called back 10 mins later. she said that she didn't hear the phone ring... I get back to the house and she tells me that Andrew is here. no one wonder why she couldn't get to the phone. she was too fucking busy, cleaning up. then I go in and she introduced me to him. I can tell some guuys by their hand shake and this guy did not have a firm handshake but did have wide-thick hands…and whatever. I'm just ... You know how it feels when you are so upset that it feels like you just got punched in the stomach?
Wed sept 17
Woke up, scared dom
Anthony came into my room a few he had to go.
She took the kids but I didn’t know this, she never said by or anything. I sent her a message asking if they have all left, she said that she was about to send me a message and then told me where everything was breakfast-towel.
Spent some time looking at sports stuff including fantasy football.
Lisa called to try to cheer me up. Telling me that she was being rude.
Someone was ringing the doorbell and then knocked on the door. I didn’t want to answer it. I texted Dom and she said it maybe the electrition but he’s not suppose to be there till later.
Hm, I sat around for a while, she came in with two of her kids,the two youngest.
Her daughter and I made a good team. Dominique opened a large box that had books on it. She showed me where the book shelf was in the play room and her daughter and I put them all away. She was so cute. Telling me what some of the books were as she was pulling them out. I said: can you read read? She: no. me: how do you know what the books are? She: because I just do. ME: how was your day? her: it was good. Me: what did you do? (she told me) She: can you putt this over there? (no idea what she meant.) (took the book from her and it was a small book, and I had a pile of small books to on the right side of the top shelf) ok.
When we were done with that there was a box of toys we had to put in toy bins.
Then we went to her room. We were summoned by Dominique to her daughter’s room. She had a box that was prob 9C FT full of clothes. I took them out and sorted them. Dom would hand them to her daughter and she would put them away.
Phone call for modum return package.
Lunch, just an apple soda. I wasn’t hungry and glad I wasn’t. It was 11:30…
Dom painted the office. It needed another coat. I asked her what they did last night. (of course she gave me the G rated vrsion) Her man came over about 8. He helped bring a chest of draws up to her room and help assemble some other piece of funtature. They watched a few shows then I came home. (I got in about midnight) I told her about the game. Well, more about my observations about the stadium because I know she could care less about the game.
so she (4 year old daughter) finished her lunch. She asked Dom if she could have a cookie. (dom was painting at the time) dom said yes and told ... daughter asked me to get it for her. Dom said it was in the pantry room, either 3rd or 4th shelf up. so I followed the little girl's voice to the pantry (I knew where it was but was a little faster since all I had to do is follow her voice...
so we go in and I ask her if she knows what kind of box it's in. she said no. so that didn't help me. she said "pick me up" so I did lol I picked her up, she put her feet on the second self up and looked at the 4th shelf up, she said that she couldn't find it. I said ok, want to go down a shelf? she said yes, so I lowered her, so her feet were on the bottom self and she was looking at the 3rd shelf. she said she didn't see it there either. I put her down. She said that she wanted the Halloween ones... she then told me that they were OREO's. I said, why didn't you tell me that from the beginning ? (I know what oreo cookies container feels like, they're my fav) so I discover the shelf raps around to the right so I put my hand on the 4th shelf up on the ride side of the pantry and I found an oreo box. I brought it down and said (in a victory tone) are these them? she said no, those are not the Halloween ones. So I put them back and notice there was another one behind that one and I said in a more sure tone, is this is? and showed her and she said "yes!" She took the box from me, brought it to the kid’s table (a plastic picnic bench) and yelled “Mommy how many can I have?!” Dom: 2 baby” Daughter: OK! I’m just standing at the doorway waiting for her to give e the box back but she doesn’t say anything so I asked her if I could hve the box back o I could put them away.
I even told Dom, good thing she's not my daughter or I'd be in trouble
We had to go to her mom’s house to pick up mail. Her mom came over to my door and opened it. Told me all her painting issues as she too is in the process of moving. Cant sell the house so is painting it with the hope to beautify it. She also has a professional coming to wash her rugs.
Next stop, pick up her oldest son at school. We got there 30 minutes early. Sat in her car. She wondered how all these mother’s didn’t have to work and how the all new each other. She said her son’s class gets out second.
Her son spotted us first and came into the car. She asked how school was. He said “good” she asked if he had home work. He said yes. He asked how much he said just one.
We went to a Chines restaurant in her town. (afterwards I asked how far away it was, she said 7 miles from her hous) We all went in and Dom and I ordered at the counter. She had payed the first 3 nights, I made sure I would pay on this night. I was feeling bad. We had to wait about 10 minutes. We
We brought the food home. Ate dinner. Talked about Chinese food and she doesn’t know much, especially…like I told her “I’ve been ordering for 33 years” even today, when we go to a certain restaurant, the owner, if he’s there and if he sees me, will sometimes remind me that he remembers when I was a baby and ordering. … She asked me how the food is. I said the dumplings are just alright. I said they taste like they’re store bought. She asked me how I know. I told her when my mom gets them from the store, this is what it taste like. She asked me what the sauce was. I said probably ginger. I tried it and it was. The sauce was good. I then had my main corse. Vegetable kungpow. The vegetables were really good, surprisingly fresh. The sauce wasn’t great but wasn’t bad either. It had a spice to it but not too flavorful and defanaely not a kugpow sauce.
She nd I watched two shows on the food network as that’s what she watches when she has time. She and her son were both doing homework too. She was laughing histericle at times. Made me smile to har that laugh and excited voioce when we talked about the show.One of the shows was Chop. That was pretty good but the other one was just stupid. I don’t know how she thought it was funny. When the shows were over it was bath-shower time for the kids and then at 8:30, they all, including her, went to bed.
I didn’t know what I was goig to do now. I was feeling sad, hurt, and something…else.
Saw she was on FB about 5 minutes later. so messaged her.
J: just wondering if you see the sadness in my face or hear the sadness in my voice?
D: Yes I do but you choose to hold it in and not say anything. And I'm not sure what you expect me to do. I told you what I was doing this week. This is my life it's hectic. This is the only time off I have to do anything with my house. I have to finish this stuff.
J: I hold it in because I know there is nothing I can do.
I didn't realize your life was this hectic.
Like I said earlier today, I have no idea how you do this, except that you have to. You truly are an amazing woman.
good night
Thursday sept 18th
Woke at 4 West time.
OJ for breakfast
One of her kids knocked over? The book case that Dom’s daughter and I put way books on yesterday so when I was done with hmm something, I asked if there was anything more I could do. She said well, if you want to, you can put away all the books (someone) made a mess with. I said, are you going to end up doing it? she said yes, so I said ok, than I’ll do it.
Separated tooks from books and put toys in bin and book on book shelf
Food shopping
Electrission
2 book cases of Cook books
CDS
My x is still trying to get with me for sex.
I mention, cant believe you still talk to steve for what he did to you a few weeks ago.
What about?
When he cheated on you.
I was upset at the time, but I shouldn’t have been. We were not dating, we were just having sex. I should have expected it.
Steve can be a very caring guy when he wants to be. He went out to San Diago this week with a girl for some training and that girl use to work with Andrew. Maybe you can find some diert on Andrew. Second thought, don’t do that. well, you can but I only want to know if it’s really bad. Steve said that he’s good.
Unpacked carefully over 20 Disney Land frames and put the stirophome back in box.
Unpacked Dishes and put them away in kitchen.
Posters in kid’s rooms
Barros for Lunch, wings, buffalo and teriachi. She had pizza. She was fascinated by 7 tables of elderly women playing cards. (she posted about it on FB that she was there and that she wishes she could retire so she could play. When I got back to my computer, I found out that she never tagged me. So far, nothing on FB about me being here.
She had to go to the post office. She’s not getting mail. The HOA has to send a master key for the MAO mail box. She called HOA and talked to them. The person she talked to was very nice. She emailed the information to Dom that she needs to set up everything to get the key for her mail box and for the post office to also get a “master key” for it.
My shiness and not standing up for myself, reasons why I don’t have many friends and cant keep them. I don’t have a gf. Not willing to find job outside of field. Degrees don’t mean anything you need work experience. I don’t know how to have normal conversations. It’s not all about sports and things you like. You should talk about random shit.
I should date a blind person. Why not? isn’t that like what people do to you that you don’t like? That’s being hipacritical.
You should have John go on the dating sights like… so you can get layed.
You should apply to any and all jobs. It’s something which is better tha what you got now and you can socialize and maybe meet someone that way.
Put 200 Dvd on shelf while she left to get kids.
She texted me
D: Hey before I forget do you mind if my daughter stays with you in the morning then while I take my son to school
J: I don’t mind at all
D: Awesome thanks! That way she can sleep in
8pm she came home ,heated up the vegetables from the night before for me, and put one kid to bed and the girl stayed up. Her man comes in about 8:30. They go in the garage and get stuff and bring it up to her room and all the while I’m playing with the girl. We’re singing Disney songs. I get her to remind me the password to the micky mouse club. She’s drawing Halloween things. She asks me what I am going to be. For Halloween.
At some point, as Dom and her man are being silly in the kitchen, and I was at the kid’s picnic table with her daughter, she said what time is it? oh it’s way past your bedtime.
She left me alone with him for a few minutes. I talked about baseball and all the stadiums I’ve been to, creatiqued Chase field.
I had mentioned something about Judiism to her today. so the buzzed Dom was feeling was making her extra hyper…plus I’m sure it was a bit of something else too. She was determined to find the SNL with Chanukah Harry. She found a top 10…
Set the scene: I was on one side of the table they were on the other and turned sideways, we faced the computer on the counter as she played youtube videos.
I already had anger inside me. I didn’t need to hear what I thought I heard…-felt. A slap she standing directly in front of him…maybe sitting on his lap? The table was shaking a bit…she turned up the volume on the video to a really loud point. I asked after 30 seconds or so if she could turn down the volume. She said in a sorta defenseless tone. “why? Is it too loud?” yes.
So she turned it back down but I think something was going on over there and not that I would ask her, she would deny it. but to be doing sexual things in front of a blind man who hasn’t had sex or any sexual contact in many years, is insulting and wrong.
And when I was in the bathroom, getting ready for bed, I could hear that sound of squeeking matres…no other souds but that was enough to make me feel like I’m not good enough to.
Friday sept 19
Got up and was in my room till Dom told me she was down tairs cooking. I went down stairs and she was cooking away, making pan cakes and bacon. Her man came down about 10 minutes later. He was very chipper. He had breakfast. He said bye and she asked in a very sad tone “whe am I going to see you again?” he said probly this weekend she said “well, I have a concert Saturday night (still in the sad tone) He said that we’ll get together Sunday. and left but she literally followed him out. Probably for a nice kis…
She came back in and gave me a plate of pancakes. Her son woke up and came down. He was playing and eventually had breakfast. After breakfast, he read (he’s in first game) Dom a book. It was a long one and he did a very good job.
He got ready for school and as hd her daughter woke up-came down stairs. Dom put the Disney Channel on. She said “be good for Jonathan” and she left to bring her son to school. We watched 3 shows. She wanted her breakfast. Dom left out a bowl for cerial, I just had to poor the milk in. So I went over to the fridge, noticed 2 gallion containers and couldt tell the milk from the water so asked her daughter to help me. I asked if this was the milk? and put my hand on it. She said no. I put my hand on the other and asked again and she said yes. So I took it and brought it over to the table, asked her if she wanted a little or a lot. She said a lot. So I gave her a lot. I put the milk back and then layed on the couch. At some point, I was feeling very hot and dizzy. I had her daughter assist me with located the cups. She walked over to the cabint and said, it’s in this one. I thanked her ad she ran back to whatever she was doing. I poored myself a few classes of water and layed back down. I was still feeling it so took a cold shower …however, there was no cold water in the shower Not compared to my house or any other shower I’ve used. I went back into my room and realized …hey the fan feel very good. So I stayed in there for a while. Went back down stairs for a while to watch more cartoons and got another few more glasses of water.
I chatted with Lisa via FB and told her some of what was going on. It was the 3rd time this week I chatted with her in some form. She didn’t like what was going on.
For most of 2 hours after she got back from dropping her son off, she painted her bedroom. (part of me watching the cartoons) and when she was done, she went running ad then…out for lunch..
Target
Burger place
Dropped daughter off
Picked up mail
Ordered stensles that came in for the kids to draw with.
Went to airport
Went down to gate with me.
Stayed for 15 minuts or so.
We hugged. Said our good bye.
I then held her shoulders and she said “what?” as Ithen said “nothing” as teers were flowing down my face.
What I was thinking was “I wish I could see you”
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