689 friendships and relationships 03 16 15

03/16/2015

689 friendships and relationships 03 16 15

Relationships and friends

I have a best friend who I have known for 27 years. His name is John. He has 2 children who refer to me as uncle dolphin. He was married for about 6 years but she left him and with no solid reason. After the divorce, he moved back to his mother’s house till he got his finance figured out and the divorce was official. He looked for a 3 bedroom house that he could afford on his own. He found one … 0.6 miles away from me. I go out with him and the kids every Friday night.
The difficult thing is that although we are still friends, there are little we have in common. He enjoys smoking cigars, screaming music (the type that makes Metallica sound like BoyzIImen in comparison) and is a very sarcastic person to a fault. He doesn’t like sports, makes fun of my music and says me loving the Muppets and Disney is pedophile-ish. Somehow we’re still friends.

I have a BFF name Lisa. Lisa just so happens to be John’s older sister. Lisa is older than me…8 days older. She is an interesting character. She was in the army for 10 years. Served in the Middle East and saw-experienced some pretty horrifying things. She settled down 5 years ago when she learned she was pregnant. She lives in Texas, near Dallas, with the baby’s father and except for a piece of paper, they are married. Although we knew each other for all the years I knew John, our friendship that was escalated to BFF didn’t start till 4 years ago when she had invited me down to Texas to capture Ranger’s stadium. Since then, I have visited her at least once a year, sometimes twice. She is my crazy friend. Would you let your blind friend ride your ATV down the street alone? Would you let a blind man drive your car around your neighborhood block with only verbal cues? Would you take a blind man to shoot guns on a range? We were supposed to go sky diving last year but mother nature didn’t let us.
This should have been higher up in this paragraph but I just thought of it. Lisa was my date to my SR prom. It was a fun night. The PTA sponsored an all-night rave at a dance hall after. The hall is owed by a former politician of my town and he donated the hall in NH. So everyone who would be going, dropped their overnight bag off at the school and after the prom, met at the school where there was a few buses that transported us to-from. OK, this is spinning off, maybe I’ll tell the full story of my prom some other time. It was nice and fun but we were just friends so no more than a nice hug to end the morning.

“My” Lisa: the first love of my life. I was 9 years old and she was just 7 when we first met on the school grounds of the Hebrew School we went to after public school day was over. She was cute, outgoing, and gave me attention. We would sit on the steps of the school and chat. We had both joined a Jewish youth group that met every Sunday during the school year. This is where our friendship and my love for her blossomed. Any activity the youth group did, we were always paired up. The event that to the day my mom still brings up is when we went to an apple farm and we were in the “hey fight” we were wrestling as two kids with no care in the world would do. I would love to say that, that’s when I first kissed her, but I never got to kiss her properly. She had stop coming to Hebrew school and youth group. Many years later I had learned that her father passed away.
She was invited and came to my Bar Mitzvah. I think I danced with her only once. I danced with my family friend who actually, is only one month older than Lisa. I still had some vision at this point and I remember Lisa did look very pretty. Hmm I’m trying to think of the timeline. So it wasn’t till early 1995 4 years later, did I see her again. There was a mall that just opened up in my town that was a few minute walk from my house. I was trying to learn my way around. I was in the middle section, the covered section between the stores when I heard a scream of “JONATHAN!” then little feets running up to me and gave me a huge hug. I hugged this woman back and she said “It’s Lisa” my face lit up brighter than the sun in Arizona’s summer. We exchanged phone numbers and our relationship blossomed from there. We talked at least once a week every week. We went to concerts together including my first Bon Jovi concert. I took her to a Disney on Ice show. I took her to a few sporting events. (I think the sports was when we were in college) and I took her to my JR. Prom. One of the most memorable days of my life. It was so memorable, I went home that night and wrote everything down that I did that day from the time I woke up. At some point, and I don’t recall exactly when, she had told me that yes she loves me, but “not like that” and “I don’t want to take a chance to ruin what we already have” and she went into how since her father passed away, I have been the only consistent man in her life and she saw me as an best friend but nothing more than that. I was crushed but I stupidly kept it in the back of my mind that one day, she would change her mind. She had a few boyfriends through HS and college and she would tell me about them all. Eventually she fell in love with this older man. (Well, when she’s 20 and the guy is 27, that’s a bid of a difference, she was a JR in college and he was a hard working cars sales man) It took, for her to call me up one night, very excited, to tell me that she’s engaged for me to finally realize that I won’t get to marry her. I was happy for her but crushed for myself. Over the next year, she chatted less and less and we lost touch. I did “find” her on FB but didn’t add her. I’m happy for her though, all her dreams came true. One day last year, my mom ran into her at the mall…same may I ran into her 19 years ago, and she had 2 children. They talked in general. My mom said that she looked sad when she was talking to my mom. As if she felt bad that we lost our friendship. The funny thing, when she and her husband bought a house, they bought in my town about a mile and a half up the road from me. That was years ago now. I don’t know if they still live there.

I had many crushes over the years. Any girl who showed me any attention, I thought liked me or had a chance to like me. Boy am I stupid. This gave of finding my partner in life is the most confusing game of all.

When I got to college I met this lady name Jill. She was really cool. She was in a lot of the same classes as me as we were in the same major. She enjoyed the same type of music and we just clicked.
One day, I think it was our junior year, she handed me a computer disk. She told me that she had wrote me a letter and asked me to keep it between us. I went home and put it into my computer and read it. What I read was like a story from another life for me. It was a story of family members and eventually she got involved with all types of drugs and her parents are divorced and whatever else was on that disk. But she wanted to be the first person in her family to earn a degree. This was a forren concept to me as my grandfather and all his brother’s had degrees. Even my Nana had a 2 year degree. We had gone to some concerts, sporting events and even had a picnic near the ocean at a park. She had dated a guy in college in our junior year. I met him once. Our SR year, she had told me that she was hanging out with this guy friend up in New Hampshire. They were drinking and as the cliché goes, one thing lead to another and she was pregnant. She did graduate the following year but we lost track of each other. Well, similar to Lisa, I had thought and realized that I had called her 99.9% of the time. She extremely rarely called me. I wondered if I were to wait for her to call, if she would and she never did.
I did call her on her b day for a few years after, actually, a bunch of years but she never called me back. I tried to find her on FB and couldn’t …till I went searching last week, the night before her b day and I found her. I sent her a message but she never return the message. Oh well…Hakuna matata.

My college roomy Jeffrey. Hmm he’s an interesting guy. He’s this goofy, big teddy bear never grow up sense of humor. He always tries to show off… so people will like him. He’ll try to put his two cents in every where so people will like him. He does have a bit of a temper but he’s a great guy who is hardworking. His wife wears the pants in the family though. It’s pretty sad how much she boss’s him around and they have twin girls who are 9 going on 13. They also boss him around at times. They are great girls for the most part. Jeffrey had them call me “uncle Jonnie” which, I smiled about. However, and I’m not sure how to take this because to me, being called uncle is a great honor from your friend’s children, a lot of his friends they call uncle. He doesn’t have any siblings but his wife has a brother and sister. Anywho, he has his flaws but overall, he is a great guy who means well. We have nothing in common and even less since we left college. He doesn’t care for sports. But if you ask him, he says he loves all Boston team but if you ask him the last time he honestly watched a sporting event by himself, the answer is probably never. He also has a different taste in music as he likes the RNB-rap crap. When I do go over his house and sleep over, he always invites others to come over too or he’ll invite us to go swimming in one of his friend’s pool or to do something with other friends. I feel so… unappreciated? I see him once or twice a year.

I didn’t make any friends in grad school. They were for the most part, much older than me, having children close to my age. They were a great group of professionals I went to school with who understood or got to understand my disability and my knowledge and great sense of humor earned me respect but no relationships or friendships came out of that.

When I worked at the day rehab program I had this crush on a coworker. When we co-ran a group, it felt like I had been working with her for many years. We picked up where the other didn’t know what to say or what to do. We would feed off of each other. We would always complain to each other about life. She would always talk with this perky, cute voice… except when she was not feeling right. I got to know her pretty well. I did take her too to a baseball game and concert. (Maybe I should stop taking women to concerts and sporting events) We went out for dinner a few times and I even invited her over to a Passover Seder. (No she’s not Jewish) Similar to Lisa and Jill, this lady is shorter than me and is on the small side. She was the first person who I knew who had Celiac disease. I made sure to take her to restaurants where she could eat. She was extremely surprised and thrilled that she didn’t have to eat just a salad. One night she even invited me over for dinner. She had made an Italian dinner. It was very nice and very good. When the day program closed, although we worked in the same company, we rarely saw each other, maybe once a year. She moved on to another company two years ago and so goes the friendship. Oh well, Hakuna matata.

There was another coworker who I hung out with through the years and we emailed each other a few times a week. We did go to a few concerts and yep, we went to a baseball game. We also went to casinos and when he had adopted a daughter, I was invited to the Church. He was very happy that I went. However, it got too much for him, he said that he needed a break from the outside world so he could focus on work, sleep, and his little family. He said that it was nothing against me. I am a great guy but that he just needed time and asked me not to email him. I knew him for about 7 years. Oh well, Hakuna matata.

The next two I’ll talk about sort of together because they are brother and sister. I have known their family for most of my life. Their grandmother is good friends with my mother and their Grandfather was a Jewish baker. Rachel and Zachary are hardworking, caring, people who even if I tried, I couldn’t say a bad thing about them. Rachel just got engaged last September. (Sorry self) She is, as I would describe, my perfect woman…just don’t tell her that. She is Jewish, loves sports and Disney and similar music. She also eats the same foods as I do. She is about 10 years younger than me but between us, age never came up. She enjoys doing fun things and we click very well. A few years ago I took her and Zac along with a friend of Zac’s to a Red Sox game. Last year Rachel and I went to a Billy Joel concert at Fenway Park and had a great time. We even went out for dinner to this fun restaurant in Boston called “Fire and Ice” where she twisted my arm to have a drink and I let her pick one out for me. They had dancing at the restaurant and she asked if I would go dancing after and I said I would but we ate too much. I can be silly with her and I can be serious with her. I have talked about most things with her. Unlike a lot of my friends, she and her brother both contact me to go out. We have shared some things that we haven’t told many others. She even has told me a few times that if I want to get away for a night, she has a guest bedroom. I would never take her up on it but it is very nice of her to offer.
Zachary is one of those people who has an old soul. He’s 21 going on 70. He’s very personable, outgoing but laidback. He’s extremely hard working and is brilliant. Most college kids get a summer job at a store or restaurant. He went out and took a one week class, and passed the state (?) exam to be a realtor. He also works for a baseball scouting corporation. Meanwhile, he’s going to college full time to be a CPA. He loves sports on the same level as I do. It was him who I went to game 6 of the 2013 World Series with, to be a part of history as our beloved Red Sox won that night. (I was even on TV and I have proof). We have gone to a few basketball games too.
We go out for dinner once every few months just to catch up and chill out. Our favorite restaurant is both the same Chinese Restaurant so unless we go to a game, we go to the same restaurant. He’s always willing to help me out when I need but I don’t ask him hardly ever. I know he’s extremely busy.
They are both wonderful people and awesome friends.

I’ll talk about the next one in short because although she’s still on my FB list, it gives me pain every time I see her post or if she’s even on.
I met Dominique on line through AOL AIM in 2001. She was the first on line “friend”.
We had chatted a lot and she would tell me about all her boyfriends and that she had sex with random guys because it feels great. Why not? She is hot and she knows it but she was cool. She sent me a pic in the mail so I would have it. We lost track of each other after a while. I think we were friends for 7 years. I reconnected with her last year, about this time actually. She has 3 children. She had lived with her parents but moved into her own house in a new development. It was so new that she got to pick things she wanted in the house. We caught each other up on each other’s lives and as she was back then, she was still a very sexual person, having sex pretty much with whoever she wanted. She got her tubes tied so she didn’t have to worry about getting pregnant again plus she hated the feeling of the guy wearing a condom. She said “I love the feeling of the guy cumming in me.” … She said that I must not be trying because it’s very easy to get someone to have sex. She said that she never had a problem getting laid. Anywho. She invited me out to meet her last September. I helped her put her house together. She gave me so much confidents, more than any other person in the world ever have. She trusted me that I could put together her children’s beds by myself. I don’t think I ever used a wrench for anything other than tightening a screw on my barbells. I helped her unpack boxes, move furniture, put books on shelves and many other things around the house. Unfortunately, I thought we would go do fun things and we never did. I’m very thankful John’s x bro in law lives out there and is a really cool guy. He took me to see a baseball game out there. I did nothing but work on things in her house and wait around for her and play with her children. I had bought each of her children a gift as well as her. She said that it was nice but didn’t understand why I would do that. I was taken aback by that comment. I was taught that when you visit someone, you bring them a gift. The two nights she didn’t have her kids, her boytoy, now BF were over and they drank and then went up to have sex. When I returned home, she said to me that she was mad at me and not to contact her till she was ready, or something like that, but would never tell me why she was mad at me. I am mad at her for leaving me home all day while she went to work and having me do things around her house and I didn’t get anything in return. (My sister stood up for her, saying that she didn’t promise you anything and you went out to help a friend with her house. A friend should expect anything in return) so since then, she has commented-liked some of my FB posts but it still frustrates me that things didn’t turn out better. Oh well, hakuna matata.

In 2008, I had joined a blind gaming site and had chatted with this one lady from NY. She is blind and lives with two of her sisters. She was a RedSox fan so naturally, I felt a connection with her. We had shared some sexual fantasies and what not and I visited her after 2 years of chatting. I had bought her a RedSox T-jersey. She loved it. We went out for lunch with one of her sisters. That was nice to break the in-person ice. Her sister went back to work and we had made it back to her house with lots of help from strangers. We chatted a bit. I had brought my computer and we were listening to music. I put on a Bryan Adams song and took her hand and slow danced with her. She had kissed me and from there, hands wandered and she let me undress her and we fooled around but no real sex. It was definitely an interesting experience as I had learned things about my body that I didn’t previously know. It was really fun and we didn’t want to get dress but I had to go and so we got dress, went back to the train station where her sister met us so she could help me find the right train. I thought everything went well. She didn’t return my emails or phone calls for a few days and finally she said that she felt that I was too mature for her and asked me not to contact her again. Oh well, hakuna matata.

I have gone on some dates through the years but not many. I went out with one woman who is Jewish but she couldn’t type and I had to go letter by letter to try to figure out what she meant. She also lied about things. We went on about 5 dates and she was nice but not my type. I had this horrible experience with this woman who I went on 5 dates with, 2 to sporting events and one for dinner at her place. However, she treated me like…well, like I could see and when I was unsure about something she would be like “whats wrong” in a demeaning tone. It was nice to go out with someone but there was no chemistry at all there.

I did go on a date with this one Jewish lady and I had a great time. She was fun, silly, caring, didn’t know much of sports but enjoyed Disney and is a teacher. When I got home, my mom saw the glow in my face and said “she reminds you of Lisa, huh?” I had to turn slightly away and nodded. Unfortunately, I emailed her the next day, saying how much fun I had and I hope we can go out again soon. She wrote me back, saying that she had a great time and I am a nice guy but my blindness was too much for her to handle. This hurt me… A LOT but eventually I moved on and realized that there are things I’m looking for in a woman and there are going to be things that women are not going to like about me and if my blindness scares them away, oh well, Hakuna matata.

Thanks to this great world of bloop, I got to meet some great people…and some not so great people. It also gave me my first and sadly, only official GF. Her name was Nikki. She is Jewish, enjoys sports and similar music. It was a bit difficult as she lived in NYC and me just north of Boston but we made it work for a while. I invited her to a RedSox game and to spend a night at my house for Chanukah and to see Disney on Ice with my family. I visited her for a basketball game and went down to her mother’s in CT for Easter. I visited her a few other times just for a weekend. It was nice and the sex wel… Well, I didn’t have any to really compare to, so it was good but not great. Some reason I didn’t feel she appreciated me. I had bought her things that I knew she would like and she never seemed excited or happy that I gave her gifts. She would say thank you but that was all. It’s not what she didn’t say but her tone in her voice. Then one day she decided she would leave her life behind and fly out to Seattle with just a backpack and leave everything that was in her NYC apartment, in the apartment. She didn’t know where or what she would do but she would figure it out when she got there. We had chatted a bit while she lived out there and she even got me tickets to see Bon Jovi and I was hoping to see a baseball game out there but the night before and the morning of my flight, I tried to confirm everything and she never returned my calls or emails. I was crushed. I threw away a chunk of money on the flight and lost my chance to see a baseball stadium and Bon Jovi. I would have liked to see her too but she had flaked out on me. She had told me a different story but we won’t get into that. On later occasions, she had found me on here again and said some pretty hurtful things to me but I just shrugged them off and moved on. Oh well, Hakuna matata.

There were other bloopers I got to know and was suppose to go meet, only to pull the rug from me as well. (If I had all the money I lost from canceling flights…)
Last year I met a former blooper who I went to a game in Minnesota and another in Atlanta. The Minnesota trip was ok and the Atlanta trip was a disaster but I did get to those stadiums. I don’t talk to those women but the MN lady, it wasn’t anything bad it’s just that (from my view) we didn’t click as well as I had hoped. These experience wouldn’t hold me back from traveling and visiting-meeting other people on line and fellow bloopers. Especially if they’re willing to take me to a baseball stadium I’ve yet been to.

Bloop did give me an awesome friend who I am honored, fortunate, and happy she is in my life. I’m sure she would tell you that she feels the same with me in her life but I don’t know. She is an awesome friend. She thought so much of me, she invited me to her wedding even though she lives 5 states away. We have been through a lot on bloop and now on FB for the last few years. I have told her, When Bon Jovi gets inducted into the Rock N Roll HOF, I’m going to come out to visit her and her family and we’ll go visit the Rock N Roll HOF. She’ll get to hear my fan scream lol. Hopefully take in a sporting event while I’m out there. Hopefully we’ll stay friends for a long long long long…. Long time.

The last person is Karen. Met her on here in 2004. We were awesome friends but nothing more than that. The first time she actually called me, I heard the voice which I can only explain as, an angel’s voice. It was such a beautiful voice to my ears. I never thought of her anymore than a friend. We lost touch for a few years and we reconnected in 2012. (I’m not sure how much more I can type. Thinking of her is causing my stomach to turn and I’m feeling nauseous.)
I visited her. She was even more beautiful in person, inside and out. I absolutely fell in love with her and her little dog. Everything was great even when I did return. She had shared with me things that, I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone if they happened to me. I felt closer and closer. I told her and showed her how I felt about her. I was going to visit her again two years ago and something personal happened which I won’t share but for some reason, I understood her view but I tried to call, email, text FB message her and I got nothing. My body, mind, heart and soul was crushed. I didn’t know what happened and figured that she didn’t want to talk to me but I couldn’t figure out why. I decided, despite most of my friends telling me to forget her, I sent her a voice message on her b day to wish her a happy birthday. Within two minutes, she had called me back and we talked for the next 2 hours, telling me what happened and we laughed, we cried and we shared more secrets. I felt whole again. I sent her and her dog a gift for Christmas. They both loved. I sent her a Card for Valentine’s Day and an email one too. That week she said that she couldn’t talk and told me why. I wrote back to her, saying “Ok, let me know when you can talk again.”.” I have not heard from her since and as much as I try to move on from her again, I just cant and I have gone to bed and woken up many times both last year and in the last month, time, with tears in my eyes and hurt in my heart. I love her. I Honestly love her, body, mind, soul and heart. I am a fool and I know it.
If you want to read more about her, I wrote about the trip here and any time I mentioned her, I put it in the title of the entry. … I miss her a lot and I’m starting to cry typing this.