FRUSTRATED WITH THE WORLD

04/10/2010

I AM FRUSTRATED WITH THE WORLD.

I am frustrated with technology
I am frustrated with being blind
I am frustrated with not being able to get a job
I am frustrated with not being able to find a girlfriend
I am frustrated with my home teams
I am frustrated with my mom
I am frustrated with economics
I am frustrated with people who say there are no jobs out there.
I am frustrated with people who have a lot or have things that I dont, and they bitch to me about other little things.
I am frustrated that although I have been running on a treadmill between 30-50 minutes a day nearly every day (missed 9 days) since January first, and have not seen any result what so ever.
I am frustrated with not having and being being able to find sex when it seems that anyone else can get some when ever. If I want sex or any type of sexual fun, it would cost me money.
I am frustrated with having to conform with fassion and not being able to dress how I want and what feels comfortable to me and my body.
I am frustrated I can't just get into a car and go where ever when ever but rather, I have to depend on others.

I am frustrated with Jonathan and the unknown of where this world is taking me and not sure what to do with my life. I have been stuck in this endless cycle of something called a day. I lost sense of what a day is the day the government shut down my company's counseling center and I was given this 4 hour a week job. I use to know morning from day and day from night by when I worked and when sports started and when I slept. Now? what's the point of sleeping at a certain hour? Not like I got anywhere to go? Not like I got anything to do.

"Is he totally or partially?" I heard the woman behind the counter at the CVS say to my mom. I was angered. Hello, I was standing right there. She was carying on a conversation about my blindness like I wasnt even there. She was telling my mom she knows someone that went to a school for the blind but "she cant work. Does your son work?" I am blind! not fucking dumb! There are a lot of blind people who give blind people like me, a bad name. I am frustrated!

A short 16 months ago, I was in school, working 20 hours a week and had a girlfriend.
Now it is all gone and I want it all back. I want either a fulltime job or money for college so I can get my PSY'D or ED'D. I want a beautiful Jewish lady who will push me, pull me, and stand beside me as I will do the same for her. I want a condow on Revere beach. I want a job that will give me a sents of belonging, a sents of achieving and one that I can feel that I have made a difference in someone's life, one, day, at, a, time,

But... I guess I'm asking too much.

I'll stop bitching now.
I'll go back to holding in my frustrations because that is what it seems like I do best lately.