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Beyond Belief
by A RedSox Fan

previous entry: Pa its been 2 years. Helping John move. Childhood friend stops by

next entry: work issues and my plan plus SFand KC i the WS

I dislike my life and the painful dead end streets

10/16/2014

written to Lisa but could also be true for some of my bloop buddies, especially a certain someone who lives in Ohio.

first...I hate that I'm always complaining to you. you have enough stuff on your plate and yet when you can, you give me your time as well.

secondly, for the first time in my 10 years of "working", I don't want to go to work. Not because there is a sporting event or somewhere else I rather be but just because I don't want to go. I read somewhere yesterday "the 9 reasons you should quit your job" and I checked them all off. life is too short. I feel like I'm not productive. Someone could easily do what I'm doing. When I suggest things, they're shot down or just ignored. My knowledge, experience and familiarity with the residents mean nothing. I feel any "thank you" I mayhave received over the last half year or so, are just out of "just because" with no real sinsarity behind it. Lastly, it's not like they're going to give me a promotion or more hours. They're not. so why should I stay?

thirdly, I need positive people around me. I need people who are not going to consistently put me down. Your brother, my older brother, my uncle joe, even in some ways, my own parents. I'm mentally and getting physically tired of it. I'm alone and lonely. I just want someone to love and who will love me back. someone who I can push, pull, and stand beside as they will do for me. Someone who will trust me, be honest with me and be good at communication. Whenever I look at these dating sites, I look for someone who is similar to me but if the lady had that special personality, like a certain someone who lives in Indiana, it wouldn't matter if we had nothing in common because you share in their hobbies and they share in yours. I know that not you or not anyone else wants to hear this, but those 3 days in Indiana was one of the top 3 consecutive days of my life. But I wont find that personality by looking at someone's likes and hobbies. I've emailed about 7 women on okcupid.com the last two days and 5 of them looked at my profile and not one returned my message. not even a thank you but we wouldn't be a good match. I'm just ignored. I just want to not be lonely and not put down. I want to be around ppositive, good natured people. I just want to be happy

previous entry: Pa its been 2 years. Helping John move. Childhood friend stops by

next entry: work issues and my plan plus SFand KC i the WS

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I think I understand what you are talking about with your job, although our experiences are probably not exactly the same. The way I tried to describe it to people is with Ed Norton's character in the movie The Fight Club, Kevin Spacey's character in American Beauty, or the character in the movie Office Space. It's like the job kills your spirit and you feel like the walking dead and you are just going through the motions. I ended up making a change and it started with the understanding I described at - http://stanzo.blogspot.com/2011/06/im-dying.html

Regarding your trying to find someone, I think the following series may help you (or at least you'll find it very interesting) - http://spirfit.org/Academy/life/searchforlove

[Awakened|0 likes] [|reply]

You're my friend. No matter what I have going on in my life, I always make time to be there for my friends, even if it's just a few minutes a day. I know it's not always a lot, but you do the same for me and I'm always so grateful.
As far as the job thing, I don't think it would be wise to up and quit without having something else lined up first. I know sometimes I dread going into work but I still enjoy the people I work with (for the most part) and I have too many things invested with it to switch. I know it's not the best thing out there for me, but I don't have as many options as you could have. Granted, they have to be willing to bend for situations beyond your control, which they don't seem to want to do. But I have no doubt in my mind that there's something out there that will have you enjoying your job again. 
As for finding a woman...maybe you should focus on one thing at a time? Focus on seeing what you can do with the job part, see if you can get out on your own, gain some more confidence in yourself before you start pursuing a woman. And who knows, one might fall into your lap once you stop looking. You know I only want you to be happy, my friend. I think focusing on one aspect at a time might reduce your frustrations a bit. The more frustrations you have the less confidence you have!

[»Mrs. Evans«|0 likes] [|reply]

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