"SHE" or "HER" = Stephanie
I just got home from a group coping session and it was dificult.
Next Friday is the anavercery of the horific insident. My company had the counselors come back to check in with us. went to the main office to have this meeting.
It was dificult.
We talked about (not that it was said in words) PTSD simptoms we have felt over the last year and situations that happened around them. One of my coworkers said that she broke down when she saw "her car". It was the same make-model-color. My boss says she (and everyone agreed) felt anxiety when she hears a hellacopter. Wondering what happened.
When my boss calls the house and no one answers, she panics and thinks the worst.
We talked about the media and how wrong they have been and we have to accept that they are not here for our simpathy but rather to sell papers.
It bothers me how far they will go, how heartless they can be to get a story and if they dont get a story, they'll make one up.
One thing the counselor asked which I didnt have an answer for... "how has this changed you" "what have we done differently?" "how has this situation made you a better person?"
The counselro said at one point, which my boss said "can you say that again, that was really good, I need everyone to hear that again"
"If you could have change things, you would have"
He did praise us, he has worked with a lot of companies and he says it is the first case where all staff members returned after a horific situation.
I spoke, said how I wanted to be there for the clients. I knew my coworkers couldnt do it and I wanted to. I told the story how when I went in and walked up stairs one of the clients said "jonathan? is that you?" I said yes. He said "I am glad you are here man" I said I am glad to be here too" and we shared a hug. I said, to them, I told myself that for this situation, it's ok, it's ok.
I ran a group to see how they were doing to check in with them.
I am so sad for my boss. She is so gilt stricken over this. She lost not only an employee, but a friend. She talked about all the things SHE liked to do and it just broke my heart to hear my strong minded, in charge woman, be so fragel, sobbing. SHE liked to walked the beach with the clients and pick up sea shells. She liked to bake cookies for the clients. She bought her first car that was hers and it was the first big purchase of HER life and SHE called up my boss and told her and wanted to pick up my boss and take her for a ride. SHE was suppose to get married this year. It was suppose to be the happiest day of HER life.
I can't write any more so I am just going to write this last story
My boss went into work and was craving fruit. (she was pregnant) SHE told my boss that Mark (a coworker) had fruit in the fridge. My boss said that she cant ea
t Mark's fruit. SHE said to my boss "it's for junior, Mark will understand." My boss ate the fruit and left a note saying that JR wanted fruit. I hope you dont mind." when he got the note he said that he was so happy that she took it. 
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ok, I have something else I have to say
My boss was talking about how she always told HER how much SHE is appreciated. How hard of a worker She was and she is a better person for knowing HER.
I felt as if a bucket of ice was dumpt over my head.
One of my flaws in my life is accepting praise.
I felt horible that I basicly turn down, turn away when someone gives me praise.
I never realized till that moment when someone says they appreciate something you do, how much it means. I am going to work on being able to take praise better. To say "thank you" when someone does praise me. Yesterday my boss went out of her way to sit down with me for 2 minutes to tell me how much she appreciates me being there and all my hard work and some other nice things she said about me. I just said "no problem" I didnt say "thank you" or if I did, it was not as meaningful as it should be. I need to learn when people give me praise, they're not just saying it, just to say it. They really mean it.
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