Dear Karen: It's October second. On yesterday's date 10 years ago, I received my first note from you on bloop.
I want you to know that I love you, I will always have a special place in my heart for the Karen I knew. However, I have to move on from this Karen who has caused me so much pain and hurt, something I never thought you were capable of doing, never mind to someone who you have said you loved. You said we would always be friends but the pain which you have inflicted on me is so deep. Ignoring my phone calls, my text messages and my FB messages felt like you were shredding my heart, my soul and burning the remains each time. Seeing you on FB, seeing your posts, makes me hurt. I feel this twist of anger and sadness that starts in my stomach and works itself up to my head and makes me want to throw up every time I see you on fb.
My heart will always skip a beat for you. I love you. I love Mogi. I will always love you both. and if you ever want me to kidnap you. if you ever show up to my front door, I would take you back in a heartbeat even if just as friends. I would take back the caring, loving, thoughtful, friendly, Karen who I met last year. I would take her back and I would, as I always have, treat you like the princess you are in my eyes. I just wish I knew what happened but I have to live with the fact that I may never know what happened.
You know how to get in touch with me. You have my phone number, my email address, my fb and my home address.
I am just going to delete you from FB because of the pain and sadness I feel each time I see you on. but that does not mean I'm deleting you from my thoughts, from my heart.
I wonder if you ever think of me and I want to think you do but I don't know. Maybe you completely already forgot about me and moved on.
That thought makes me want to cry as I die inside.
I was so good to you. When I visited you, I bought you a green sword charm and bought Mogi a rope and treats. I knew what type of candy you liked and packaged it with the minnie marshmallows for your birthday. I learned that you wear sweaters so for your birthday I bought you (what I thought was) a green sweater. When you had your surgery, I called you every day to make sure you were ok and you were not lonely. I also made you a thumb drive full of music because I knew you wouldn’t be able to do too much. You said to me at one point that you never received flowers so for better or worse, I guess it ended up being the beginning of the end when I sent you flowers for valentines day with a personal message. I gave you my heart Karen.
Beyond all the things I gave you, I was here for you emotionally as you were here for me emotionally. When my grandfather passed away last year, it was you who checked on me a few times a day. Just like when you cut yourself last year, I was the one who got you to tell me why and to tell you that it's ok what you did. I wonder who you go to now when you need someone to talk to or do you just bottle it all up again and wait to crack?
I will never forget the first time I heard your angelic voice, New years of 2006. Your voice was like a magic touch to my ears and to think I may never hear your voice again, makes me want to cry it hurts so much.
I don’t know what to do with all this stuff you had made for me and the cards which you sent to me and the mementos I have from when I met you.
I think of just boxing it all up and putting them away.
I thought and still do, that you are my soul mate and if you are, and this truly is the end, than I will never find true love again.
Once again, I love you Karen Grace Foust and I will always always always love you. I hope someday we can make each other's dream come true but for now, later
Hugs and kisses
Jonathan
p.s. there is so much more I want to say but I don’t know if you will even read the first line, never mind this entire message
|
Loading...
