My no good, very bad few days

10/14/2009

Hi, So I have been on a spiro downwards since Sunday.
Nothing new.
(nirvana: Pauli on radio)
Sunday afternoon my Redsox lost to the angels. I cried for a bit because my best friend who I hang out with just about every night for 6 months, is gone. (have you ever seen the movie fever pitch? that’s me, it’s a great movie. Great love story too)
Patriots lost and I tried to go to sleep early to rid the day, but woke up an hour later. My body thought I wanted a power nap.
I thought about how this will be the first winter without school in 28 years. What am I going to do? What will challenge me? So no redsox and no school for me this winter. I also thought about how I work only 4 hours a wee. So I don’t have a full time job to fill my time either. Last year I was writing –working on my thesis report, working 25 hours a week, and not sure what else I was doing. Now? I work 4 hours a week. So what do I do the rest of the time?

Monday: woke to no heat and no hot water. That was fun. People will be here first thing Wednesday, so I have to somehow wake up at 7;30 in the morning to let the guy in and show him where the hot water thingy is.
I did absolutely nothing Monday. I wrote a poem that you guys saw, but that took up 15 minutes of that day. Eventually 6pm came. I had misunderstood what my twin said in an email Thought he was coming over with his wife to pick me up for dinner. So at 7pm I called him and said not tonight, tomorrow night. I was actually a little happy because I could listen to the entire Phillies-rocky’s game. And what a game that was.
(greenday: basket case on radio)
(red hot chilly peppers: scar tissue on radio)
My mom is always worried I would not have enough food to last a week, so she makes me enough to last a month. I was trying to juggle 3 heavy containers. I wanted pasta was the biggest and heaviest, but it was on the bottom. I tried to lifts the others up and pull that one from beneath, but I under estimated the weight of that container and it dropped on the ground. The container cracked. I was lucky that nothing fell out. I first looked for another container and than bag, but neither could be found in the kitchen. I put a paper towel in the fridge and put the pasta container back. I had veggies and noodles while listening to some of the baseball game. It was a very good game. I want Phillies to win, so, yay. After that game I flipped my radio on and got into bed and listened to the second half of Monday night football. At half time it was 13-10 between Miami and the New York Jets.
(Alanis: you aught to know)
By the end of the game, after a high power offensive between these two teams, Miami pulled it out with 7 seconds left, 31-27.
So I went back to thinking about school and work. All I can do about work is just keep doing what I am doing. Searching for jobs, networking and searching for more jobs. As far as school goes, I have a BA, I have a Med, I have a CAGS, so now all I can get as far as going upwards, is a doctorate degree. I did a search for doctorate degrees in psychology in Massachusetts. The only one that came up was Massachusetts school for professional psychology. I looked into the program. It is a 4 year program and they have different tracks. Unfortunately it didn’t say how much it would cost. It did have a link for open houses at the school so I am going to ask my mom if she’ll bring talk me to one of them.
(little miss can’t be wrong: spin doctors)
I also know I need a DSM IV TR. For my personal and professional work.(diagnostic and statistical manual) So after a while of searching unsuccessfully looking for an electronic format, I went to the apa website (American psychological association) and sent an email to the site, asking if they know where I could purchase a DSM in electronic format.
Tuesday: Woke up about 11, and got up, took a facecloth of a bath because the hot water still didn’t work. (and I am not going to get into the hot water – eat thing because it will just anger me just to think about it.) I checked my email and checked my regular websites. I put away my RedSox jacket and took out my New England Patriots leather jacket. It pained me to do it but I knew it was cold outside. A friend of mine, Mike, who use to be a neighbor of mine years ago who remained friends despite our difference in ages, I think he’s only 23. He is engaged to a smart and caring woman name Karen and their wedding is next September. Well, he called me the day before at some point, asking if I was around for lunch the next day. Which, I was. I have no life. So they got to my house about 1pm and we went to a burger joint. I bitched to them about my pathetic life. Mike didn’t help at all, the joker he is, was kindly making fun of everything. I know, coming from him, it is with care. But to be honest, it made me think. He says “so do you have anything positive to say?” I said “no, not at all. I wish I could say something other wise, but I cant.” He goes “well the (Boston) Celtics won their preseason game on Sunday. That’s positive.” A meaningless basketball game that we had won. Wooo. Its no salvation for the same day my Redsox losing and the Patriots losing. I also told them that their wedding falls on, of all days of the year, Yom Kippur. I have no idea what I am going to tell my mom but I have to tell her somewhat soon. I know they are a very Christian family and all but should someone be considerate of other backgrounds when planning something like a wedding? I promise I wont get married on December 25th. I would look at a calendar and say, hey, it is Christmas, maybe we can move it to the week before, or hmm that would be Chanukah, how about some other month then? He also told me that I’ll be getting a call from Jim, the other best man. (Karen’s brother) for a bachelor party. That’ll be fun. I got home in time to check my mail, respond to what I got, and then go to work.
Work was just a waist of my time on this day. I went to the little office that I usually do my 1-on-1 and the power strip that was usually under the desk, was not there. So I asked a coworker and he found it. Some reason it ended up, up stairs.
(red hot chilly peppers: around the world) (a nirvana song I could not identify was on a few songs ago)
The coworker asked me if I use the desk for my computer. I kindly say no, I just put it on my lap. He asked if I could go in the hall. I said ok, I can do that till you are done giving out the meds. He said that he had to give out meds at 4pm 5pm 6pm, plus he had to make some phone calls. And other things. (ok, so I wasn’t wanted) I said well I can just do the 1 on 1 upstairs, no problem. So I brought my stuff up stairs and set my computer up, at the kitchen table, where I usually do my group work. I wanted to see a client and the client made every excuse not to sit with me for 10 minutes. He avoided me. By this time I had just given up. I was getting no cooperation from my coworkers (a coworker was just sitting on the couch on his personal phone watching tv) Another client I was going to meet with, was trying to heat up his soup but I don’t think it was working for him. He was in a good mood, so I just left him alone. He did notice I was not wearing my redsox jacket. He wanted to know why. I told him that the redsox had lost. “oh, I am sorry to hear that. What happened?” I told him how they made the playoffs but they had lost to the angels. “oh, I am sorry. But you don’t look the same with the patriots jacket on. Sorry to say.” Me “no, its ok, I just feel down about it but I’ll be around”
(Some Korn song on radio)
I had left the house a few minutes early and waited out side. I just wanted to leave. I was going out for dinner with my twin and his lovely wife for Chinese food. So hopefully that would make me feel a little better. I got home and my sister had the AC on. She said she didn’t, that she had the heater on. I told her that the vent in the ceiling was blowing out cold air. We got into an argument about it. She says she has it on heater and so she doesn’t understand why. (the reason, if she would let me explain to her, she was looking at the AC system that could be set up for a heating system too, but we use two dif companies for heat and AC so there is two different systems in the house. I went out for dinner and the food was good but I was not as hungry as I usually am for Chinese food. I told them about my few days and it was the same story as the day, everything negative. I hate that. I am usually a very positive person and in the end, I am sure I will do well but right now, I am just barely breathing underwater.
(Green day song I do not recognize)
Justin and I did talk football and that pushed everything aside for a few moments till the redsox came up. That just brought me down again. I did tell Lindsay about the doctorate program and about the wedding and how I would have a hard time but I will have to tell mom about Mike’s wedding and the date it falls on. Justin told me not to worry. A wedding is a once in a life time thing. I said, ya, especially where I am the best man. Hmm I don’t recall what my fortune cookie fortune read. Something about the people around me in my life.
(Lenny Cravis: American woman)
At some point, my father called from Puerto rico. When I told him who I was with, he asked if he could talk to my brother. So He asked Justin to just look at the heater, make sure that no switches were turned off or that something was not out of place.
(stone temple pilots: plush)
Sure enough, there was a switch on the burner that was turned off. However, my sister still had the AC on and the eater came on but still no hot water.. I put my music on, got undressed, got in bed and chatting to people and started writing this. The repair man was coming sometime between 8-12 so I had to be up for that. So I had to try to go to sleep early.
(3rd eye blind: semi Charmed life)
I went to sleep soon after 1. yay for me.

However, … you ever wake up, thinking you over slept so you go from sleeping to being wide awake? Yep, only to find that it was 5;20. So I am up, so I put my radio back on and I am finishing writing this. And yes, the AC is still on. The heater is blasting, the AC is on, and it is about 34 degrees outside. Unfortunately, I don’t have the heater in my room. (I just have an electrical one that I refuse to turn on. I hate the smell of burning dust. Plus my desk, a file cabinet and a shelf thingy that has some of my sports memorabilia in, is against the heater anyways.

So, I know that some day I will have a great paying job that I will love, A lovely wife who will love me for me like I will love her with all my heart too, and I will be a happy camper, but for now, life is just crappy. Hopefully we’ll get hot water today so I can take a real shower and hopefully my sister will shut the AC off today…. Hopefully I’m not asking too much from this day.