Need a laugh? "what if Santa wrote back?"

12/22/2009

I got this in an FW email.
Figured my bloop friends could use a break and a laugh between all the stress this time of the year can bring.
I was doubled over laughing
    Enjoy

What if Santa wrote back?

Deer santa:

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv
ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy   

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How
about I give you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm
giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for
is peace
and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for
my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that
dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build
yourself a family with those?
Santa

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Play station, a train, some G.I. Joes, a
dog, a drum
kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid 'Francis' nowadays? I giving you a doll
instead because I bet you're gay.
Santa

Dear Santa ,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left
carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my
face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words,
Jim Beam.   

Santa

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy
making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China . Every
year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo
in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I

unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail
waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Santa  
P.S.
Tell your mom she got the part.     

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm
skipping your house.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please
PLEASE PLEASE
could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap
doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
Santa

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our
home?
Love,
Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself 'Marky', that's why you're getting
your ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live
in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad
just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa