side note, that song was the first cassette single I ever owned.
Because I live with my parents, I hear a lot of things that they say which bothers me. The constantly talk crap about my siblings.
My older brother: He still works at the same company, pretty much at the same level he did when he got hired more than ten years ago and he makes not much more than what someone would at a mcdonalds. He waists his money to show people that he is the best and that he has the best but yet, he cant afford his own condow, my father had to buy it for him and he's paying my father monthly.
My older brother lives a different style than the rest of us. He's into the hip-hop, club scenes and somehow is a promoter for some "hip-hop" performers. He doesnt get paid to do it but he spends a lot of time doing it. So obviously my parents wish he would go and get his MBA and get a real job but he has no intentions.
The thing my parents worry most about him, as my mom says he's "morbidly obeast" at 5-10 he weighs about 330 LBS...and he thinks he looks good.
However, he will show off his condow and the fact he has 4 tvs so he can watch 2 games and play video games at the same time and one of the tv's are like 52 intches for this small den. He also has the latest video game system and games and all that...but again, he cant afford much else. He doesnt have anything saved.
My sister: my parents, more so my mom cause she verbellizes it, they think my sister's fiancee is no good for her. She says that she totally changed my sister. When ever my mom sees my sister, she says she doesnt look happy and she doesnt sound happy. My mom thinks that my sister's fiancee is controling my sister. My sister bought a condow a few years ago. She put in a nice new counter top in the kitchen and put in a new fan-light for the bedroom and other things...and my sister's fiancee wants to move and they put it on the market. My parents are confused at this turn as she just put all that work into it and nowo they're going to sell it? The reality of it is location. My sister and fiancee both work near Boston and it takes them 40-90 mins to get to work-home from work every day (depending on trafic) Where they could buy a place in the city my sister works in and she could be at work in 5 mins and it would be just that much more closer for her fiancee to get to work. And it's not just the house, it's pretty much anything my sister does that my mom does not like, she'll say it's the fiancee's influance. Obviously my sister loves this woman or she wouldn't be marrying her next October.
My twin brother... my mom says that my twin has became anal about everything. She baby sits for Devin 2.5 days a week and she now sees it even more. He puts things in sertain places and he likes things done in certain ways and if my mom doesnt like it, she calls him anal about it. He's my twin. I try to defend him. It is his house. He does things his way. Just because we have 3 fridgerator-freezers in our house filled with food and a pantry filled with food along with the cabinets in the kitchen, doesnt mean everyone has to. Some people cant afford to and some people like to have a neat looking fridge when you opened it. My mom went to cook chicken and onions and she saw there was only one onion left. She didnt want to use it. but she was shocked he didnt have a bag of onions somewhere.
I wonder what my parents really think of me?
My parents are driving me more and more crazy as days pass as well.
They will be saying something but they will leve something out and not realze it and if you tell them you dont know what they are talking about or you mean...? here's an example... and they both do it
Mom: I cant believe my first grade, actually second and third grade crush passed away. I should have said hi to him when I saw him the last time.
Dad: who are you talking about?
Mom: I told you, didnt you listen?
dad: I'm sorry, I didnt hear you say any names?
Mom: you need to listen better.
...
I was sitting there during the conversation and my mom did not say the person's name first. This is just one example of something they both do. They say things in their heads and continue out loud and expect people to read their mind. well, not so much read their mind but to pay attention to something they never verbelized. This happens at least2-4 times a day.
Another thing, I realized this even more when I got back from being with Karen...how much my parents forgot or dont realize things they use to do properly for me that they dont any more. Just yesterday alone within an hr spand...my father was guiding me around my friend's house (Bar mitzvah next day brunch) and basicly slammed me into a wall and I was hurting and he just kept walking. He should have walked either side-ways or put his arm behind himself (sighted guide) so I new it was a narrow area so I knew to walk right behind in instead of next to him...
He got me a glass of OJ. He never told me where it was so I assumed it was (using the clock face) between 11-1 of my dish...I put my left hand out and knocked the cup over. It was basicly at 8;30 of my dish so I didnt have room to even start to extend my arm out. It wasnt a big deal but it was more the fact that he didnt tell me and placed it in a really bad spot.
My mom will do things or forget to tell me things too. I sometimes take laundry from the wash to the drier (go through hmm what use to be our toy room? lol that now has closet space that my mom puts a lot of her clothes in) an when I carry through the toyroom to get to the drier room, I know it enough that I know where to turn and where the door is to the drier room without touching anything... and holding a heavy laundry basket...except when my mom levels one of those closet doors open and I walk into them and sometimes I'll get a scrape on my arm, sometimes, if I'm walking fast enough I'll run into it, causing me to drop the basket and clothes going everywhere...and when I tell my mom she forgot to close her closet doors again, her only response is "oh, ok"
Back to my father...I feel bad for him. the last few months, seeing his own father slowing deteriating, it took a tole on him. Even now, my father seems to not see things right in front of him at times. He could open the cabinet in the kitchen, looking for cookies. They could be right in front of him and he will pull the draw out, look "everywhere" and when he doesnt see it, he'll open another box. When my mom says why did you open another box, he'll say he couldnt find the other ones and my mom will open the cabinet and show my father where they were and make some type of a negative remark.
AND you cant correct my father any more either. he'll get upset and say something like "I cant do any right anymore. anything I do is always wrong." ummm just cause you are not right, doesnt make it wrong. you dont have to get upset about something like that. If he said that 1 + 1 = 3 and you try to tell him that it equals 2, he'll get upset. Another thing with my father, and we all do this, or at least, most of us, we live the generation we grew up in. So my father watches his black-white tv shows and doesnt understand why people have to scream when they supposively are singing. and why do they have to talk about negative things...
OH, and he is so republican, it drives me nuts. He's racis and makes jokes about it and when someone gets offended by it, he doesnt understand why. you know..back in the day we all made fun of everyone. Everything with him is strait edge. He just doesnt get it.
"these kids today with their tattoos, piercings and colored hair and their pants hanging off their behind and they probably had a kid already and live in (name of a primarally black city). These kids should go to school, go to college and get a career."
hmm if life was only that easy dad.
OMG! so the young man who I went to the Bar mitzvah of on Saturday, my mom goes to me sunday night. "He doesnt have Asperger's. He did nothing different from what anyone else did. He ran the show. I was horrified. Here is a 13 year old who struggles every day with asperger's and worked very hard to be able to Run a Saturday morning service and my mom says she doesnt think there is anything wrong with him. I tried to explain to her that asperger's is that the way he process things are different for him. She just said, I guess so,, I just dont see it. He looked pretty normal to me yesterday.
And my mom is always being negative. Nothing can be good any more. When I call her on the phone, she does say "hi" or "what's going on" or "hey I'm at the store... its "what's wrong" Who the heck answers the phone like that? I notice she does that with all my siblings. ug. it drives me nuts. And she is constantly complaining about it being dark out early... no shit. be happy you get a few hours of light. I dont get sunlight at all.
And they both treat me like a little kid, my father more so. But as I think about it, partially it's because i live in thir house so I go by their rules.
I want out of here...I want to go to ... well you know.
I left my heart in Indiana |