Running into walls and everyone's laughing at me

07/06/2012

or that's what it feels like.

this should be a happy-fun entry about my forth of july and how much fun I had... ok. let me do that part first.

On the third, my best friend John came up to the beach house. We hung out for a little bit. Went down the bear skin neck. An area of gloucester that has a bunch of old shops. We got some hotdogs and then went to the candy store. John paid for my lunch so I paid for the candy. John drove around a little bit and went back to the house to hang out more. When 5pm came around we headed to the parade to get a parking spot and wait for the parade to come. Parades are, as you can imagine for me, very boring. It was very long too. I think the parade lasted about 90 minutes. There was a lot of long pauses. I was leaning against my sister's jeep listening to the random chatter around me.When the parade was finally over, we went for pizza and salads. There was a place we use to go to that we all loved and we had been going there for many many years on the 3rd. but that particular place changed hands and when we went last year under new ownership, the pizza was well, not good. My mom got a reservation at this other place. I thought the pizza was good. some were yay and others were ney about it. After dinner, we walked down to the beach area for my favorite part of the vacation (sarcasm) the fireworks. I just stood there and listened to "boom...boom...boom...boom" for 45 minutes. I was standing with John and his 3 year old Holden. I dont know where anyone else was. hmm this is a good time to show-tell how Holden is "the boss" at 3 years old, he was telling the fireworks what color he wanted and didnt want. He also said "we dont need any more small ones. just the big ones" or something close to that. I stood there for 45 minutes...let me put that in perspective, 2700 seconds was filled with ringing the ears booms. I think Holden told me what a few of the colors were but my twin wasnt there. He wasnt there to tell me the shapes and colors. My twin couldnt make it with the pending baby on the way any day now. (due date is the 16th...) After the fireworks, we went back to the house where I put on my head phones on one ear to listen to the baseball game. My older bro and younger cuz was playing what ever game system my older bro has and playing it extremely loud... and my sister and her friends were playing some game that was like apples to apples but wasnt . My Red Sox lost but we wont get into that now. I need to go and give them a lecture...

The 4th, we had a bbq, we had the red sox game on the tv. when 5pm came we jumped into my father's emergency management commandpost and went to the highschool to be in the parade. My father drove, I was in the middle front seat with John and Holden on his lap while my younger cuz along with my sister and her friends were in the back. John's wife Kat and their 8month old were in the back as well. I was reporting the Red Sox score to the croud but not too much as they were losing and there wasnt much scoring. My red sox ended up losing again and getting swept by a bad Oakland team... The parade ended by the water where they have this 30 ft stack of wood with an outhouse on top. However, we had to wait 90 mintes before they finally thought it dark enough to light. Just like the last 15 years, John with little person on his shoulders, went to the front to get a front row viewing of the amazing, hairburning hot, blindman can see-bright,fire. I loved it. I wanted to stay as close as I could for as long as I could and I did, but when Holden started saying he wanted to go to the truck, I said to John that we should go back, John said no, he's alright. At one point, the fire got too hot for John, so he stood behind me I love being able to see fire once a year...

We headed to friends of the family for a round two of a bbq. I had to work on Thursday so I went home with my uncle who was going back to my house anyways on this night. We got back to my house about 12;30. It was fun and relaxing and all that jazz. Took my mind off of reality a little bit although the shallow girl date thing exploded while I was there, it was still ok...


I hope every one had a safe, fun forth of July.
GOD BLESS AMERICA!

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Now, back to the title.

I was talking to my sister's fiancee and she said something about how she is studying for the social work exam. My sister said to me why dont you do that? I said because I dont have a master's in social work. Stacie said she didnt either. She said all she has to do is take an exam, be supervised for (this is key) 100 house ...100?! hours?!! and past the exam. I said, that's all? for a counselor we need 3380 hours plus a master's degree of 65 credits and yet...they come to the same spot. ...

Fast forward time to when I went to work yesterday. I was talking to our clinicle coordinator and telling her about my job issue and then told her what my sis in law said to me and the coordinator said "yep, that's why I took the rout I did. it's a little known secret" to which I said, I wish someone would have told me about that 10 years ago. however, she said that you do need at least a BA in social work but you dont need a masters. that's only if you want to be a LICSW. and that's another thing I said. there are at least 5 different levels of licensure for a social worker. there is only one for a counselor. She said why dont you go back and get your MWS? I said I dont have the money and even if I somehow got the money, after I graduate, it only puts me back where I am now but just with a debt to pay and no garenty of a job. That's not a risk I'm willing to take.

The two things I want most in this world for the last 10 years, a fulltime job and a gf, the two things in life I have spent the most time on (besides baseball ) and I just wake up every day and wonder what can I do today to try to obtain either of these things. Every day I send out resumes or try to make connections etc or look on dating sites, emailing ladies and I dont know. This world is cruel.

I have a couple of good friends. I have a caring family. I have money saved up. But I dont have a fulltime job. I dont have a gf. and yet all my favs here have both of those things and-or are a parents. I just sit here, waiting for a response. while everyone else is laughing at me. Everyone is mocking. My best friend has this great job with Converse, the shoe company. He just got another raise, another promotion. He's going to NYC and Vagus in the next month for work. My twin has a fulltime job and is starting up his own company plus has an amazing wife who is due any day now (well, July 16th) My sister is ingaged and she has an amazing job and plus she plays pro football and coaches both football and track-field for the hs she works at. hmm

All I want is a special lady and a full time job that will at least pay for a morgage and a few other things so I can start my life already.