why do I do this to myself? *karen

11/13/2012

why do I get myself all sad and depressed over Karen when I barely hear from her over the weekend? They're silly thoughts.

Last night, as sure as a zebra has stripes, she called me on her way home from work and just the sound of her voice, puts a smile on my face and when she giggles, it makes me grin and when she says "I love you Jonathan" it puts butterflies in my tummy. GOD I love that woman.

She didn’t respond much cause she slept most of the weekend. She only mentioned Edward once in the entire 30 min phone call, and that was just that he woke her up yesterday to make sure she was still alive.
I told her how I was thinking of her the entire weekend, saying to myself "this time last weekend I was dooing ... with Karen. Her only response was "awww" (sad tone)
She told me that she did see the bat that I posted that I got in the mail yesterday that I had my mom take a pic of, email it to me nd (there are very few times, as I have explained in here many of times, when I do things and I'm not proud of myself, you ar just suppose to do them...this, I was very proud about...) I was able to save the pic to my computer and name the file then upload it and post it to my fb with a caption.)
I asked her about the pics she took when I was there. she said that they are on her phone and she has to dl them to her computer and send them from there. I jokingly accused her that she just didnt want me to have the pics. She was like. nooooo you know I want you to have them. I just need to get to it.

Last night we were talking about holidays because this Saturday is her birthday. She was telling me that her parents are going to go down to see her on Friday cause they're busy on Saturday and Sunday. She was telling me that she can’t afford to go up to her parents for Thanksgiving, between gas money, food and random things, she just cant and she feels bad about it.
J: that's because you spent a lot of money last weekend.
K: and I dont regret a single second.

She was telling me about how Thanksgiving and Christmas use to be and with each stage of her growing up, it became less and less and the family spread further and further apart. She said that she got a text from Nick (the 3rd guy in her life, the one who moved to Texas) and he said that he'll be up in Indianapolis for Thanksgiving. She feels sad she can’t see him but said that it's probably for the best. I tried to tell her that of course she's sad, it's a long time friend who she cares about.

K: come on Jonathan, what are you really thinking?
J: HUH? what do you mean
K: (in an, I know what you are really thinking and I have a grin on my face...tone)
K: He is a good friend so from that view you feel bad for me but you don’t want me to see him. *something like that*
J: where are you? get out of my head?
K: (burst into laughter)
K: come on, you should know by now that we know each other’s thoughts

J: let’s file this under I shouldn’t tell you but will tell you anyways,
K: hmmm?
J: so I found this perfect little house for us and it’s a two bedroom with a garage and it’s fenced in so Moagie can run around.
K: (giggles with a grin most of the time I was describing it)
J: and it’s wicked cheap. Like, we could afford it and when I mean we, I mean I could afford it myself so I know we could definitely afford it.
K: I should be getting in the house so I can go to sleep.
J: you can’t do that again? You have to tell me what you think.
K: Jonathan, you know what I think. You know my thoughts.
J: if I know your thoughts, and they are what I hope them to be
K: mmhhmm
J: then my thoughts, my dreams are yours too.
K: mmhhmm Jonathan, I love you.
J: I love when you say that and I love you too.
(somewhere in that conversation she said something that was more concrete in us being together, I just don’t remember what she said)
K: good night
J: good night, sweet dreams Karen.

Now… if no one goes and spoils the surprise, I’ll tell you what I got her for her birthday although something tells me that I already told you.

When we were at the American Printing House for the Blind and she was writing Braille on the slate and stylus, she said that she wishes she had one so she could write to me in Braille…

I bought her a Slate and Stylus with a 50 pack of Braille note cards for her to write on. Then she loves …she is addicted to marshmallows. So I bought two big bags of little Marshmallows and she loves candy like Skittles and starburst, so I bought her a bunch of candy like that. And I got …my mom got me a box. So I’m going to put a bag of marshmallows on the bottom. Then the slate-stylus with the paper, then the candy then the second pack of marshmallows and on the top, the card I bought for her and I will use my own Braille writer and write the card out in Braille over the print. She’ll flip when she opens the package. AND the really cool thing, she has NO IDEA I even know her address. Although I found it on line before I went to visit her to give to my mom…just in case, I did it formally, I went to her FB page, found her brother’s page, sent him a private message, introducing myself and asking for her address so I could send her something for her birthday and he gave it to me.

I can’t wait to hold Karen again.

I left my heart in Indiana