idk a thing i wrote (also on tumblr here).
* * *
You wake up slowly, from a dream that fades like the final scene of a movie you didn’t care for. It’s dark, and the numbers on the digital clock are too blurry for you to read.
Before you reach for your glasses, you already know something’s missing. Your chest aches with it, even though you are not awake enough to be aware of the exact feeling.
Then it hits you suddenly, like a punch in the gut –
You’re alone in bed. No warm, breathing body spooned up next to you. No snores. Nobody hogging the blankets or wriggling or making grumbly sleeping noises.
Just you and the big
empty
bed.
You put your glasses on and squint at the clock. 3:13am.
It’s been ten hours, fifty-eight minutes.
There is no answer to fill the aching hole in your chest. You can’t solve this problem and you can’t do a goddamn thing about it.
You roll over, face down into the pillow, and fall asleep with your glasses on. At least the tears wet the lenses instead of your pillow.
* * *
(i miss her already and it's dumb. she's gone visiting family and she can sort of email from her phone but it takes forever and she doesn't check it often, so i don't get to really talk to her til sunday or so. i called my therapist and got an early appointment tomorrow. i need to be sorted out because i feel so lost) |
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And that ache in the chest is the worst! All I can really suggest is just keep busy doing things and trying to do things to make you happy while you guys aren't apart. You could always write her a snail mail letter, too, or something like that. What John and I do is make video recordings and I can listen to them at times that I can't be with him. Maybe you guys could do that? 