I don't know where to start.
I guess Friday. So Friday sucked camel dick. I just felt stress on top of stress, and at work things were just overwhelmingly frustrating.
I cut myself with a pair of scissors while I was alone in the liquor store. (First time in 6 years that I have cut)
I didn't feel better after, and it didn't bleed enough, and it was dumb. At that point, my shift was almost over, so I went home and cried and I wanted to cut more but I didn't have anything to cut with, so I couldn't. I talked to a couple online friends about it, and got some relief.
Sunday, Ana and I talked about it, as well as how things were going for her, because she wasn't doing so hot either. She told me to call my therapist.
Anyway, today (Tuesday) I saw my therapist and told her that things have been going pretty poorly for me lately. Everything that I said (not wanting to do things I normally enjoy, not wanting to do ANYTHING, the cutting, etc) is signs of depression (duh???) but I think that she means, basically, that I'm having a depressive episode or something? Because the depression is pervasive-- it's always going to be there.
She also suggested I see a psychiatrist, and she's going to call and see about getting me in with somebody, though I have to be put on a waiting list.
Also I talked to Ana today and she was cute and I love her and IDK. She apologized for not being so affectionate all the time, which I admit does sometimes bother me. I mean, I want to feel wanted, too. But most of the time she does that well. I just am overly needy when it comes to love and touches. But when we're in the same room we'll be able to kiss and touch for real anyway.
I'm really excited for March with her.
And my therapist gave me solutions to work on my depressive feelings --- working on "self care" which is like, doing things that need to be done. Cleaning, going for a walk, etc.
Today my 'self care' was leaving work early and coming home. Now I'm just watching some TV and tomorrow I'll schedule a walk and stuff. Ana and I are gonna try to watch a movie together, but I gotta pick something this time around ^^ I am trying to think of something cute and funny. I love when we watch funny stuff together.
ps she's cute.
omg i wanna show a picture of her, so i am posting one from webcam.
see she's cute omg. sorry i'm in love, i find her adorable.
when we get together in march i have to make sure to take some of us together ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
okay i'm sorry, i'm giddy and sadklfjasdf when i'm in love.
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I hope the psychiatrist can help you a bit more than your therapist seems to. You're cute about Ana, it's wonderful seeing you happy.
<3 I am sorry that you had to go through those feelings, especially at work. But I am glad you got to talk to some friends and they helped you through it! I can relate so much to the feelings. 