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bear with me
by Aubrey.

previous entry: i did it holy crap

next entry: long distance is not an easy choice

now my boss knows

02/26/2014

well i don't think i'm in any sort of closet anymore, good lord.

two of my work friends know about me and Ana, in the vaguest sense ("oh, who is this guy you're seeing?" - "it's not a guy" - "oh. well still, tell me!" - "it's long distance, she's the one i'm seeing in march." - "awwww" -- that's basically the paraphrase of both convos).

and now my liquor store boss, who I consider like a second mom, knows. i was wary of telling her bc she's been weird about stuff before. like, the fact that her (white) daughter married a Kenyan (black) guy and now they have a baby ("i wonder how white the baby will be, because her husband is REALLY dark") and then commenting about another former coworker "I don't understand how you can be married to a man and then switch to women."

Anyway she was asking me about my trip and she was like "where did you meet this girl?" and stuff, and then finally she goes "Is this the one you're dating?"
and i got really quiet and "yeah"

She seemed okay with it? And she might be under the assumption that I'm 100% gay and to be honest I don't *care*. I don't have the energy to explain bisexuality to anybody and the truth is, I don't really want to date men most of the time. I have a difficult time with men; they intimidate me. IDK and I don't have that same thing with women? Or most women, anyway. And Sheryl said something like that, how it seems like I am more comfortable like this, and she feels like I've really opened up and become more of myself???? Which maybe I have. I'm not all the way there, but I definitely feel like I'm getting closer to who Aubrey is supposed to be.

* * *

in other news, my roommate (woman in her 80s) is in the hospital, after last night she may have had a mini-stroke. She apparently is better this morning and may be home later, but i'm tense about it, especially since I was supposed to bring my little sister over today to hang out and come to pasta at my roommate's daughter's place next door (we do it every week). idk.

previous entry: i did it holy crap

next entry: long distance is not an easy choice

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I wouldn't worry about explaining your sexuality. You don't need a label. You love a woman, but you love Ana for who she is, it's not her gender that makes you love her.

I'm glad you're feeling more comfortable in yourself, that's obviously shining through

[amyStar|0 likes] [|reply]

"but you love Ana for who she is, it's not her gender that makes you love her." -- that's exactly it, tbh. the gender doesn't matter half as much as just having a person that I care about and can share myself with

[Aubrey.|0 likes] [|reply]

I bet it feels a lot better to have people know, though, even if you might have been anxious about letting them know. I think people are usually more supportive than we sometimes expect them to be.

I was going to ask you how your roommate was - like how things were going with people coming over, taking your food, etc? Has that stopped now? Is her daughter being any nicer to you?

[once.upon.a.time.Star|0 likes] [|reply]

Well, IDK if I told you about her having a stroke? But she's been back for a year now and she's doing much better except for this minor setback. We have nurses staying 24/7 (one stays 3 days a week, the other stays four) and they are pretty respectful of my space and such, so it works out well. Everybody else is pretty good too.
Thank you for asking.

[Aubrey.|0 likes] [|reply]

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