#11 - I miss you

To be honest, at this very moment, I don’t know who this letter is for. I want to write the both of you. I can’t decide. Neither of you write to me. Every day I check the mail and every day there is nothing. I get upset when I realize its another day that I got no love.

I’ve been feeling very lonely lately. I can only assume that its because … I’m full of regret and what ifs. Did I do the right thing? There is a part of me that thinks I could have done more to keep my life and my relationship together and that’s the part of f me that is taking over. I know that I deserved better but I’ll never find better. I now its possible but I feel like I’ll just fuck that relationship up too. I love to hard. I don’t love too easy but when I do love, I love hard and I always end up the only one hurting.

On the other hand, if I didn’t end it when I did, we wouldn’t have been friends. And Honestly, I wouldn’t trade those two months. I learned a lot during that time. I learned from you. I may be wrong but it felt like you truly, genuinely cared about my well being. I didn’t get the feeling that you had a hidden agenda. You have no idea how sad I was that you were gone. Still, I get sad because I miss you so much. I don’t know what will happen with your case or when I’ll ever see you again or if I’ll ever see you again. I only know that I will never forget you.

I’m a little emotional right now. I really just need for someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be ok. I need to feel loved again. As sad as it is to say, the dog is all I have right now.

I’m surrounded by people yet I feel so alone. And I thought about you and CJ. I couldn’t imagin. And poor CJ. Everyone is talking. I heard she admitted it to him. But I told him to remember all of the things he did to her. Yes. If she is cheating, it sucks but damn CJ. IDK. I hope he’s doing ok.

How are you? I hope you’re keeping busy. Anything going on? Any good news? Boots, I really miss you. I miss you. I wish I’d hear from you soon. I really …

Forever and Always,
- xoxo Me