Everybody Loves Irene, but She Died Last Week

So the occurences are deaths.  I am not counting the deaths of my grandmother and grandfather.  Although they did die in the past few years (after I got on this less traveled road), I don't think God used them to affirm the message to me.  However, the death of Neal, Jackie, and Irene, I'm quite sure God is using them as a message to me.  

Neal died in his early 30's of kidney failure and related complications.  Although I went to the same elementary, junior high and high school with him, I Iwasn't that close with him.  We didn't keep in touch, although he was a closer friend of my sister.  When he died, I had no idea about God reaffirming the message to me.

Then Jackie died last year.  Jackie is the younger sister of a very good friend of mine.  We went to the same elementary and junior high school.  I used to monitor (or babysit) her and some of her classmates during recess when they were in 1st and 2nd grade.  When she died, I didn't really think of the relation between these two deaths and God's affirmation of the message (or God's push).

Last week, Irene died.  (She passed away the morning after Robin William passed.)  I think for the first time, I finally picked up on this.  Each one is a closer friend than the previous.  It's getting closer and closer, and I am realizing that God is using this to hint a very strong message to me.  It's scaring me a little bit.  Now, I'm praying to God, "Please don't allow anyone any closer to me to pass."  I'm also thinking, I really need to stop hesitating on this road that God put me on.

Out of the three, Irene was the closest friend to me.  The strange thing is that I didn't shed that much tears last week (when she just died).  But just a moment ago, more tears came down.  It's funny that I have a delayed reaction when it comes to mourning.  I had the same delayed reaction, or delayed tears, when my grandma and grandpa died.  My first reaction is usually a blank look on my face, that other people noticed.  (But still, I'm not a big mourner and I am not a man who sheds a lot of tears, because I have this "big picture" understanding as I've written about in some of my blogs at  SpirFit.org/Academy/#life

Another funny thing is that I am the one who is probably the least scared of (my own) death, but ironically, I have a feeling that I am most likely the one to die last among all the people I know. I remember vaguely a movie years ago when one of the bosses of a Chinese mafia organization in the movie said to another, "The ones who fear death the least are ironically the ones who stay alive the longest."  Although that was a movie, but how true that is.  I need to figure out how to deal emotionally with deaths, as I am probably and unfortunately the last to go.

So, this writing serves a bit like therapy for me.  I think I may want to write more here about Irene later.  She's one of those girls that everybody loves.

Post Entry Note:  For some reason, some emoticons appeared in this entry that I didn't intend.  I don't know why I always have trouble with this Bloop editor.  If some smiley faces or other emoticons still remain, I didn't intend them there.