These couple of years, God has allowed me to go through certain things, certain things that if you ask me twenty years ago, I would never thought I would be in those places. I've been to these places where I feel like I don't have control. I've been to where it feels like no matter how hard I try or what I do, I can't get out of a really bad place. And it (at one point) got to a point where I feel like I want to do what the character in Phenomenon did where he yells at the top of his lungs looking upward, "What are you trying to tell me here!"
I didn't really do that, but I felt like doing that. Instead, I just continue to incessantly pray/talk to God in between doing whatever it takes to get out of the miserable place I was in.
Sure enough, God guides me and provides a way out.
Why does God allow me to go through stuff? I am realizing in these two or three years that part of the reason is so that I would be able to feel what people go through. There are a lot of people going through stuff, hurting, and in need of healing. Sure enough, now I am able to feel more of the hurts that I see in others. I am in a better position to help.
A few days ago, it was revealed to me that this student's gone through some things that I am in a position to be the person through whom God can guide this kid (in his twenties). I must not weasle out of this one like I have done in the past. (I think I've been stretching God's patience.)
This may sound strange or even crazy, but I think God has been giving me this gift that I call the "Angelo" ability. I named it after the Angelo character in the TV series "The Pretender" in the late 1990's. Angelo's has the gift of "empath" where he could easily know and feel what others are going through. But he has the disability of not being able to talk normally to others. I of course don't have that ability to the exaggerated level where he just touches an item owned by someone and he immediately feels what that person is feeling and understands exactly what the person is going through (as if his spirit is in that person or something). I also do not have his disability of not being able to communicate normally and not able to take care of himself.
A second lesson I am learning is that the faster I am able to develop this ability to the level God wants me to and the faster I help people in a way and at a level God intends for me, the less likely God will allow me to sink back into those places that I don't want to go back to. To a certain extent, I haven't totally gotten out some of those dark places yet. I think getting the work to where it should be will contribute to completely pull me out of the dark places I want to get totally away from. (Today, I slipped a little bit backwards toward that dark place.)
I got to really get the work going in the other areas where God has shown me there's a need, from the requests through this common medium from people who are desperately in need. Yes, it's for the sake of the people, but it's also so that I will not slip backwards anymore. More importantly, it's to stay consistent with the will of God.)
To clarify, I am not really the one with the ability but it's God doing the healing. I am the vessel or the servant through whom He will show His love. God wants to give His love to us all, if we would receive it.
"I will love you for you."
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