It stunned me when I found out last night that Robin Williams committed suicide due to his depression. What made it more freaky was that just the night before, I was watching a video clip on the internet of Robin Williams interviewed by someone. On that very interview, he did make a quick mention of his battle with alcoholism (but it was just a quick mention as he went on with his jokes as he usually does in interviews.)
Then the next morning, he's dead. I read about it in the news in the evening.
I wasn't a big fan of Robin Williams but I did have high respects for his acting and comedy.
What's drawing this strange feeling of sadness (combined with surprise) from me may be that I too have a history of depression (which I might have written about in this diary in the past.) However, even in my past entry about my experience with it, I think I made it clear that as a man of God and a servant of God, I am not allowed to kill myself. I don't have the right to do so. But I can totally understand how or why someone with depression would commit suicide, because if I didn't have a strong relationship with God, I probably would've killed myself already on several occasions in the past.
You really have to experience it to really understand it. The best way I could explain it is that it felt so much more horrible to live than to die. The thought of lying peacefully in a coffin was comforting. At times, it really felt so bad that if I didn't have God, I probably would've done it.
And if you, ON TOP OF YOUR DEPRESSION, have something else going on like a medical condition, a financial crisis, an emotional crisis (such as going through divorce), or any combination of some of these, it is really dangerous for you. These problems are common problems, but if you add them on top of clinical depression, the emotional camel's back will break (without God at least).
I understand it all too well.
R.I.P. Robin Williams
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