daddy,
its been 19 years since i last talked to you or seen you. i miss you so much. i'm sitting here at the computer wrapped in the blanket i was told you bought for us n snuggled up in. i miss you. i've been thinking about you a lot. i can't remember anything about you at all. i have pictures, but those aren't the same as memories. i find myself wondering what you would say to me if you could speak to me now. what would you think of the young woman i have become? would you be so disappointed in me that you wouldn't want to be seen with me? would you disown me and refuse to talk to me like mom has? or would you take me in your arms and hug me til i stopped crying? i would give a lot just to have one more day with you. i want to know you again. it hurts me so much to know that i can't remember anything about you. i may be 22 but i still need someone to be there for me. what would you say about mom? megan? matthew?.......me? would you still accept me as your daughter?i'd like to think you would. there are days that i don't want to get out of bed because i'm so sad. some days all i want is a hug from you but i know that will never happen again. i know it doesn't do the soul well to dwell on the past, but i can't help wondering. i guess what they say is true. God only takes the best. i thought i was handling it pretty well considering i could talk about you without crying, but my walls are breaking down. i'm lost and i need your help to get back, but you aren't there. you aren't anywhere. i don't know where to go or what to do or who i can trust anymore. i have no one left to talk to here. not about this. this blanket that was ours has been stained with many tears from many lonely nights. like tonite. i wish i knew you more. or at least remembered you more. at least then it wouldn't hurt so bad.
sincerely,
your *heartbroken* baby girl
ps. i love you. always have, always will. |
Loading...