Its really sad when I am afraid to be who I truly am for fear of being condemned and punished. I am 24 now I shouldn't have these feelings. But I do. And it sucks. I am afraid to speak up or show any true feelings, otherwise bad things happen. I'm afraid to say hey, that isn't fair and it isn't right, or bad things happen. I am afraid to be the cause of us not having a place to go or provisions for anything. I'm afraid to trust anyone. I'm afraid to open up, even to my husband or y "friends" I'm just plain scared. I don't know what to do or what I'm going to do when the time comes. I am afraid to be me. I've never had the chance. I have an idea what I'm capable of and its not all good. But I'm afraid to shoaw it. I have to keep certain sides of me hidden, or suffer endless torment because of it. I'm scared......and I feel like I am utterly alone here.....I'm not part of this family. Never will be. And it seems like hubby is ostracized because of me. That makes me very sad. But I'm still scared....... |
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